Konoha High: Forever Up, Sitting Down
by SSJ2 PikaFlash
Summary: A series about 8 teachers at Konoha High as they face up to the modern school system with the required mixture of skill, devotion and occasionally voodoo. Episode 9: Asuma and Kakashi start up their own radio show at Konoha High.
1. Asuma's Story

Asuma is driving his car into the new school he's going to teach, at Konoha High. The problem is because he is new there; there isn't a designated spot for him yet. Asuma looks around and spots one that is continently near the entrance of the school.

"Now that's a parking spot..."

Asuma parks his car and takes out the necessary stuffs he needed for his first day of teaching. What Asuma doesn't notice is a sign at the parking spot, with the words: _'Reserved for the Principal'_.

A few seconds later, Tsunade is driving her car into the school car park when she spots Asuma's car in the parking spot she uses every day she works at the school. Tsunade looks around. The owner of this car really doesn't care about his car, so Tsunade picks up her cell phone and makes a call.

It's not long before a tow truck arrives to take away Asuma's car, just so that Tsunade can reclaim her parking space...

* * *

**Konoha High: Forever Up, Sitting Down**

_Episode 1: Asuma's Story_

A Fanfic Remake by PikaFlash

Disclaimers: All characters, cast, crew and any ideas in this fic belong to their respective owners...

**Summary: **A series following the lives of eight teachers at Konoha High as they face up to the modern school system with the required mixture of skill, devotion and occasionally voodoo. Inconvenienced by the students, and irritated by each other, the teachers consistently place their own personal agendas and problems ahead of the educational needs of the students. They are, in fact, the faces of the modern educational system.

**A/N: **What prompted me to do this is because I needed to break a Writer's Block and somehow doing this remake is one solution. This fanfic is a remake of an old popular fanfic that was a casualty from the ScriptFic Purge of 2004-2005_(-ish)_. I have specifically remade it and formatted it so that it can be enjoyed in my current writing style. And I actually do hope that this fanfic gets more reviews than the other ones with bad spelling, grammar, one-liners and less than 1,000 words.

* * *

Iruka enters Tsunade's office.

"We have a problem, Tsunade. Our crossing guard has been hit by a car and I don't think we'll be seeing her again."

Tsunade sighs. "That's the 5th time it happened this term."

"So, I'm planning on planting a sapling in remembrance of her," Iruka said.

"Well, the students will be sad," Tsunade said. "And besides it feels like they have lost another member of the family."

Iruka picks up a box. "By the way, these are her things and most valuable stuffs..." Iruka puts the box on Tsunade's desk.

"Put it away," Tsuande said. Then, she suddenly has an idea. "On second thought, I got a better idea. Save it for the next Garage sale. We could do with the extra cash..."

"Ok," Iruka hands the box to Tsunade.

* * *

In the Staff Room, Iruka is making himself a cup of coffee while Anko is stamping new books for the library. Then, Shizune walks in.

"Are those new books to the library?" Shizune asks.

Anko nods. "Yep."

Shizune had a bit of a thought. "Since when did we get the money for the books?"

"Well, from the last read-athon," Anko answers.

"But we never seem to make any money out of that," Shizune said. "How did you do it?"

"We did it by including TV shows students watched, ingredients list on food packaging and so on" Anko explained, "And that helped us raised a lot of money."

Iruka took a look at a few of the books. "I think these books will make a fine addition to our library..."

Asuma enters the staff room and sees the new books for the library.

"Hey, Anko, you're admiring the new books?" Asuma asks. "I think it's good because I'm sure you like this new this book called, **_'How to be a Snake Pill Seller'_**..."

Anko comes up with her own retort. "How about a book for you called, **_'You could use a Shave'_**?"

Asuma puts his hand on the back of his head. "Well, I don't know...as long it's written by Yamatochi Yagami, I like those books..."

A teacher wearing a white face masks pushes in a trolley with a box-like object covered under a sheet...

"Kakashi, what is that?" Anko asks, pointing at the covered object.

"It's a new vending machine," Kakashi answers. Then, Kakashi begins to flex his arms. "Does this look hot?"

Both Shizune and Anko shook their heads. "I don't think so, considering that it is under a sheet," Anko said.

"I mean me," said Kakashi, pointing at his covered face.

Shizune ignored Kakashi and looks at the vending machine. "Why would we need a new vending machine in the staff room?"

Kakashi points at the covered vending machine. "Oh this? This is a condom vending machine..."

Shizune looks at Kakashi. "Why would we need condom vending machine?"

Kakashi shrugged. "Don't know." Kakashi began to take off his shirt. "Anyway, who's free before lunch to install it?"

Kakashi looks at Shizune, Shizune looks at Anko, Anko looks at Asuma, Asuma looks at Iruka, and Iruka has nobody to look at.

"I'm busy before lunch," said Iruka.

* * *

Outside, the groundskeeper, who happens to be a small yellow rodent called Pikachu, was seen uncovering his new Ride-on Lawn Mower.

* * *

In the staff room, Tsunade beings the first meeting for the new term with her co-workers Yamato, Shizune, Kakashi, Asuma, Anko, Gai and Iruka...

Tsunade starts things off. "Ok, first order of business. Principal Fujiyama is currently in hospital, so the likelihood of him returning before the end of this term is slim. So, all matters involving the school will go through me, Vice-Principal Tsunade. Onto other matters, the new vending machine is placed here because we are here to prevent unwanted teenage pregnancies...

"Are you encouraging students to have sex?" Gai asks.

Tsunade shakes her head. "No, the main plan it meant for the students to learn about safe sex and the best way to do it is to provide a vending machine. Especially when some of the money made from it goes to the school's budget. If we can sell 10 or more condoms on the first day, we'll keep the machine. Kakashi and Shizune will be monitoring the sales from the machine. All the student needs to do is to bring his/her partner, his/her parents and his/her partner's parents, a permission slip from both set of parents and they need to tell both Kakashi and Shizune where the students are going to have sex..."

Gai finally understood what Tsunade's plan is. "Oh..."

"Next up, we need a new crossing guard and that will be Anko."

Anko looks up. "What? But I am the librarian!"

Ignoring Anko's protest, Tsunade continues. "Any last words before the meeting's adjourned?"

Asuma stood up. "Yeah, one, I plan on starting the first ever Konoha High School Band. Any interested parties are invited to come to my class room after school."

* * *

As Asuma leaves the staff room Yamato follows Asuma.

"Asuma, let's talk about the song we're playing." "These songs somehow aren't original, and the only original one you made needs more than 2 people to play it."

"Let's think about this, Shizune will see you playing with the drums and she'll definitely fall for you."

Yamato nods. "Sure!"

"And practice with those drum bangers," Asuma said.

Then as Asuma walks away, Yamato corrects Asuma. "It's called drumsticks!"

* * *

At the staff room...

Shizune entered and saw Kakashi sitting at the table reading an orange book...

"Anyone came in for the condoms?" Shizune asked.

Kakashi answered. "Well, that Uchiha kid did, but he went off to get his parents and girlfriend's parents permission notes."

* * *

At Gai's Drama class, Gai tells his students about the act they are performing for class...

"We are now going to start on the musical called **_'The X-files: The Musical'_**. This is the part where Scully is now suicidal and you are to play as voices to say, _'I hate you, you suck! I hate you, you suck'_, while I play as Scully hearing the voices. Let us begin..."

The students began to chant as Gai plays his role...

Students: _"I hate you, you suck! I hate you, you suck."  
__"I hate you, you suck! I hate you, you suck."  
__"I hate you, you suck! I hate you, you suck."  
__"I hate you, you suck! I hate you, you suck."  
__"I hate you, you suck! I hate you, you suck."  
__"I hate you, you suck! I hate you, you suck."_

Asuma walks by the drama class and saw the students calling names to Gai. He quickly enters the room to stop this madness.

"Don't call Gai names, even though he dress all fruit and stuff, do not make fun of him!"

Gai stops and looks at Asuma. "What makes you barge into my class and tell my students what they can do?"

"Well, you were being bullied by the students and they need to show some respect for Mr. Gai," Asuma explained.

Unknown to Asuma, Tsunade happens to be watching Asuma from outside the classroom...

* * *

Then in the hallway Iruka on the staircase and Asuma, Shizune, Gai and a few students were standing nearby, waiting for Iruka's announcement.

"I have decided to plant this sapling in memories of the last crossing guard, so let's give a minute of silence in her memory..."

After 1 second, Asuma breaks the silence by asking Shizune, "So, Shizune, how's Kakashi?"

"Fine," Shizune answers.

Gai rolls his eyes. "Oh, you better shut up, Asuma. You have been pissing me off by taking over my class."

Asuma looks at Gai. "Well, I had to show them that you are the teacher, besides, you in your funny outfits don't look like they deserve this job."

"Enough!" yelled Iruka. "Now, I will go plant the sapling outside..."

* * *

At Tsunade's office, Anko is sitting in front of Tsunade's desk.

"I could ask Pikachu to see if he could be the crossing guard instead of me," said Anko.

Tsunade shakes her head. "Sorry, but that is not an option. It's your job. Pikachu never even said a word after what happen when he yelled, _'I DON'T WANT TO BE A CROSSING GUARD!'_ Now put this on."

Tsunade gives Anko the uniform for the crossing guard.

* * *

Meanwhile, in Gai's Drama class. Gai is telling the students the next part of the act...

"Ok, now this is the part where Scully is being followed by many mimes, so, I want you to do as I do."

Gai jumps and looks around as though he is lost. Behind him, the students followed every one of Gai's movements. Then, Asuma just happened to walk by Gai's classroom and quickly misinterpret what is going on.

"Oh great! Now you guys are tripping it hard on drugs!" Asuma yelled.

Before Asuma could go on, Tsunade walks up to Asuma. "Asuma, can I speak to you for a moment in my office?"

* * *

In Tsunade's Office, Asuma is sitting in front of Tsunade's desk.

"Asuma, you remind me of the time when I was an acting principal of another school. One Teacher from there reminds me of you and he was seen as an idiot. Do you know what happened to him?"

"What?" asked Asuma.

"He was fired. So, if you want to keep your job, you better watch what you do. Now leave me."

Asuma nods. "Ok."

Once Asuma leaves, Tsunade pulls out a dictaphone. "2:50 pm, Asuma has got the message."

* * *

At the staff room, Sasuke has brought his girlfriend, Sakura, his parents, Fugaku and Mikoto and Sakura's parents into the staffroom to buy condoms from the vending machine. Now, Kakashi has a few quick questions for Sasuke's parents before he could buy the condoms.

"Ok, Sasuke got his parents, his girlfriend and her parents and permission from his parents and his girlfriend's parents," said Kakashi. "So, here's a question for Sasuke's parents to see if Sasuke can have sex. 'Did you ever have an affair with someone?'"

Sasuke's dad nods. "Yes," he answers.

Kakashi shakes his head. "Oops, too bad, Sasuke, if your father had no mention having an affair, you may have gotten your chance to buy a condom. See you later, kid."

As an angry Mikoto pulls Fugaku out of the staff room, followed by everyone else, Shizune simply shakes her head in disgust.

"Well, that was crude..."

Kakashi looks at Shizune. "Anyway, what do we do now?"

"I'll go for a drink," Shizune said as she walks out of the staff room.

Kakashi fans himself. "Is it hot or is it just me?" Kakashi immediately removes his shirt.

* * *

At the road outside the school.

Anko was holding a stop sign in the middle of a pedestrian crossing just a few cars stop in front of her, allowing the students to walk across the road without any problems.

"This must be the power..."

* * *

Meanwhile, Asuma's classroom, Asuma is holding a guitar while Yamato is at his drums ready for the Konoha High school band, consisting of only two teachers.

"Why does everyone else hate me? I mean, I tried to do my best, like getting you and Shizune together..."

Yamato sighs. "Hey, actually, you made things worst. The chances of me getting close to Shizune are like putting 2 N-sided magnets together..."

"Oh, then why is that so?"

Yamato looks around. "You shouldn't know...but you're seen as an idiot."

"How can you be sure?"

"Well, your father was a idiot before you," answered Yamato.

"Well, I knew about Dad, but not myself," said Asuma.

"Ok, you suck at socializing and you are terrible at talking to people." Yamato paused, hoping to give time for Asuma to assimilate the information. "Anyway, want to finish off for the day?"

Asuma nods. "Sure."

As they both start their music...

* * *

Outside, Tsunade was driving her car from the parking space.

Kakashi and Shizune were seen seeing away the Vending machine, due to the fact that Kakashi's questions prevent the sale of any condoms.

Iruka has just planted the sapling, but once he left the sapling alone, Pikachu just happened to drive by on his new lawn mower, only to chop off the sapling.

Anko then saw Tsunade coming.

"Now is my chance to show Tsunade my power!" Anko quickly raises the Stop Sign, forcing Tsunade made a sudden stop in her car. At the same time, the truck behind Tsunade also made a sudden stop, but the sudden stopping of the vehicle caused the vending machine fall off the truck. As the machine hits the road, piles of condoms fell out, getting the students' attention and every student nearby quickly grab their share of the free Condoms. And Kakashi decided to join in the picking up the free stuff as well...

Tsunade is not pleased. She has been suddenly stopped by someone who has less.

"Give me the stop sign, Anko!" Tsunade ordered.

"No! I HAVE FOUND THE POWER!" Anko screamed as she tries to swing the Stop Sign to keep Tsunade away from her. "Don't take it from me!"

Tsunade slowly took the Stop Sign and comforted Anko. "There there, Anko. Power sometimes gets into you head and I must discipline you..."

Meanwhile, Sasuke and Sakura saw a few loose condoms on the road and Sasuke picks one up, finally getting the condom they couldn't get earlier. They looked at each other and smiled...

* * *

Later, Asuma walks into the car park. Asuma looks around.

"Dude, where's my car?" he mumbled.

It turns out that Asuma's car is on its way to the compactor at Konoha Junkyard...

**End of Episode 01: Asuma's Story**

* * *

**Cast List:**

Tsunade as the ambitious Vice-Principal  
Asuma as the new IT Teacher  
Yamato as the Sports Teacher with an evil glare  
Gai as the fruity Drama Teacher  
Anko as the Librarian picked on by Tsunade  
Shizune as the politically correct Social Studies teacher  
Kakashi as the perverted English Teacher  
Iruka as the Science and Maths Teacher  
Pikachu as the mute Groundskeeper


	2. Parent Teacher Night

Tsunade was walking in the school in the 8:30 in the morning when she sees Shizune speaking with Sakura and Sasuke.

"Ok, I'll see you in class," said Shizune.

As Sakura and Sasuke walked off, Tsunade walks up to Shizune.

"I suggest you don't speak to the students for your own good while doing locker duty."

Shizune looks at Tsunade. "Why?"

"Once, in a School I went to, the students distracted the young teacher. And guess what she is doing now? She is somewhere prostituting, maybe even pimping. Besides, I can smell distraction a mile away..."

Then a man wearing glasses entered the hallway. "Excuse me, but I'm looking for a Kakashi Hatake. I'm the new student-teacher sent here..."

"Well, Kakashi never comes in before 11 o'clock." Shizune turns around and looks at the man. She immediately recognizes him. "Kabuto?"

"Shizune?"

Tsunade looks at the two. "You know each other?"

Shizune nods. "Yeah, I used to go to the university with him..."

Kabuto looks at Tsunade. "People tried to separate us but we were inseparable. I'll be a one big fat distraction for 3 weeks."

Tsunade walks off very calmly, with an evil look in her eyes...

* * *

**Konoha High: Forever Up, Sitting Down**

_Episode 2: Parent Teacher Night_

A Fanfic Remake by PikaFlash

Disclaimers: All characters, cast, crew and any ideas in this fic belong to their respective owners...

**Summary: **A series following the lives of eight teachers at Konoha High as they face up to the modern school system with the required mixture of skill, devotion and occasionally voodoo. Inconvenienced by the students, and irritated by each other, the teachers consistently place their own personal agendas and problems ahead of the educational needs of the students. They are, in fact, the faces of the modern educational system.

* * *

Anko is in Tsunade's office, sitting in front of Tsunade's desk.

"Anko, I want you to do something," said Tsunade.

"What is it?" asks Anko.

"I want you to go dig up the Time Capsule in the School Field," Tsunade said.

Anko is confused. "Why? I have a Library and a crossing to run."

Tsunade crossed her arms. "Well, they ran when you weren't here. Besides, you were the only one I know who buried the Time Capsule besides Principal Fujiyama because you are the only staff member who knows where exactly it's buried all those years ago."

Anko looks at Tsunade. "But I was a 14 year-old student that time. How could you...unless you're a bully, aren't you?"

Tsunade looks at Anko straight in the eye. "Ok, what about the word, 'Fired'? Perhaps that could change your mind?"

Anko sighs. "Alright, I'll do it..."

As Anko leaves, Iruka enters the room.

"Tsunade, I know about the Parent/Teacher night tonight and you have a niece going there. But it's hard to go there as both a teacher and a parent with my daughter, Tenten as **'thick'** and my son Lee getting into the underground school art scene."

Tsunade looks at Iruka. "Iruka, if you don't go tonight, I will consider you one of the weakest men in the world..."

"But Tsunade, didn't you confirm that when those people couldn't carry the bumper of my car?"

"That was physical," Tsunade explained. "I'm talking about character..."

Iruka nods. "Ok."

Iruka leaves the office.

* * *

At Asuma's Class room, Yamato and Asuma are sitting on some chairs.

"Nice sports pants," commented Asuma.

Yamato looks at his new pants. "Yeah, but Shizune didn't make a comment. I don't understand."

"No worry...I have brought a box of things that may help you get Shizune." Asuma picks up an open box. "These are things that may get you together with Shizune in bed and goodbye sexual tension, hello sex like this. "

Asuma picks up a pair of thong underpants.

"Those are thong undies!" said Yamato

Asuma is surprised. "What did you just call them? Undies?"

Yamato looks at Asuma. "Ok, what do you call them?"

"Underpanties," Asuma answers.

"How can Shizune see I'm wearing Thong underpanties?" asks Yamato

Asuma checks his box and takes out a pair of daggy sunglasses. "Maybe I'll give you these shades. Shizune could see them."

Yamato puts on the shades. "Cool!"

Asuma pretends to be in awe at Yamato's Glasses. Look out, is that Yamato or...Alexander the Great?"

Yamato looks at Asuma. "Alexander never wore glasses."

Asuma shrugged. "Well, he could have."

"I better get going." Yamato stood and walks around with the glasses. "Heh, this is good...I think I can casually get Shizune."

Asuma smiled. "Lower away...Julius."

Yamato remembered something. "Oh, and can you pass me the Thong underpanties?"

Asuma tosses the underpanties to Yamato.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the sports field. Anko and Pikachu were digging holes in the sports field, searching for the Time Capsule that Tsunade has asked for...

* * *

In the hallway...

Shizune was walking down the hall when Gai was walking by looking at some artwork in his hands...

"Hey, Gai, I'd like you to meet Kabuto."

"Not now, Shizune," said Gai without looking up. "I got to see what artwork must be place up in the art exhibition and I'm not interested in..." Gai looks up and sees Kabuto. "...you."

Gai suddenly has a strange feeling in his body as he saw Kabuto. Using the Metaphor _'that Hinata feels whenever she's around Naruto if this wasn't an AU fic'_. "Anyway, I'll see you later."

Then Kakashi runs down the stairs in a mountain biking bodysuit and his usual facemask. The very person Kabuto is looking for.

"Hey! Kakashi."

Kakashi looks up to Shizune. "Yes?"

Shizune points at Kabuto. "This is Kabuto, the student-teacher you were sent."

Kakashi nods and shakes hands with Kabuto. "Oh, yes. Good to meet you..." Then, Kakashi mumbles to Kabuto. "If you ever get close to Shizune, you'll better watch yourself."

Kabuto notices the clothes Kakashi is wearing. "Hey, do you ride bikes?"

"Yeah, to keep my body in shape and hard as a nut," Kakashi answers.

"Me too..."

"Well, I'll see you later, kid..." Kakashi walks off.

Yamato suddenly walks up to Shizune and Kabuto.

"Gee, that was a pretty big glare." Yamato suddenly puts on the shades Asuma gave to him.

Shizune completely ignores Yamato and walked off...

Yamato sighs. "Well, that wasn't good."

As Yamato walks away, he gives a quick pull down the back of his pants.

* * *

Kabuto and Kakashi are walking down the hallway outside Kakashi's classroom.

Then, Kakashi asks Kabuto. "Ok, before I can let you take over the class, do you have a cell phone?"

Kabuto nods. "Yes."

"Good. Here's my number." Kakashi gives Kabuto a business card. "Call me if you need help..."

Kabuto is confused. "Oh. Ok."

"Let's go to class," Kakashi said.

Kakashi and Kabuto enters Kakashi's classroom.

"Ok, 11th Graders, this is a new student-teacher replacing me for English Literature." Kakashi looks at Kabuto. "So if you want me, Kabuto, you'll know what to do."

Kakashi runs out of the classroom, leaving Kabuto to run Kakashi's class.

* * *

Back in Asuma's Classroom, Yamato sits next to Asuma with some cans of beer.

"So, how are the glasses?"

Yamato shakes his head. "It didn't work because from what I saw, Shizune was peeking at some guy."

Asuma crossed his arms. "Well, whoever that cowboy is, it doesn't lick a difference. You're Shizune's and Shizune's yours." Then Asuma decides to change the subject. "Anyway, have you seen that new student-teacher? He's something. His voice is so smooth. Great shape and all the ladies are going to go after him."

"Yeah, that's the guy I was talking about," said Yamato.

"Well, now you're in trouble," Asuma mumbled. "Looks like you're going to make your move tonight."

"How? All I can talk about is bare-handed cockfighting and swear," Yamato said.

Asuma rubs his chin. "I'll write something up for you..."

* * *

Meanwhile in Shizune's class.

"Come on, I need an answer," said Shizune. "Should I or should I not be together with Kabuto?"

Student Sakura simply shrugged at the question.

Outside Shizune's Class, Tsunade is holding her Dictaphone. "The new student-teacher is a distraction to Shizune. They might have been part of the group called the_ 'Sexually Active'_."

* * *

Back at the sports field, Anko was tired of digging as she is covered in dirt. Pikachu is now carrying a Naruto Plushie he found.

Anko looks at Pikachu. "Pikachu, I want you to keep digging for the time capsule. I'm going to a staff meeting to go to."

Anko left Pikachu holding the Naruto plushie.

* * *

At the staff meeting table...

Tsunade, Yamato, Anko, Shizune, Anko, Asuma and Gai were sitting at the table.

"Before we start our meeting," said Tsunade as she looks at Anko. "Anko, why are you still here? Aren't you digging up in the school field?"

Yamato is shocked. "What? How? Why are you digging up my sports field for?"

Tsunade explains. "Well, inside this time capsule buried, there's this bottle of Clear Soda made in 1995 that is '_Rare Clear Soda'_."

Asuma is surprised. "Rare Clear Soda? I have a couple of them in my car..."

Tsunade ignores Asuma and continues her explanation. "The bottle was signed by the famous Soccer Player Eric Cantona...in 1996 before he retired and left unopened because of it's value."

"Really?" said Asuma.

Tsunade continues. "We weren't planning to open the capsule until 2020, but the price by an auction house claims that it will accumulate over 40, 000 US Dollars if we sell it."

Asuma nods. "I'm sorry if people wants to tell history, but isn't that when John F. Kennedy landed on the moon?"

Iruka is surprised. "Wow? Hey, Anko, can I do the digging?" he asks, trying to get his way out of the parent-teacher meeting. "I mean it's hard for you to do digging for a girl like you..."

Tsunade easily read Iruka's mind. "Stay, Iruka. With the exception of Anko, every teacher must be at the Parent-Teacher Night. Haven't you forgotten about the last Parent/Teacher night? It was placed exactly on Christmas Eve by Principal Fujiyama..."

Asuma looks at Iruka. "Yeah, that reminds me, Iruka; your daughter is in my 9th Grade computer class and let me tell you, what a great underachiever she is."

Iruka face simply gone pale as he heard Asuma's statement. Gai notices Yamato's shades. "What's with the glasses, Yamato?"

"Yeah, you got a black eye?" asks Shizune.

Yamato couldn't take Shizune's statement about his shades. "That's it! I'm going out!"

Yamato stood up and walks out of the staff room. A few seconds later, Yamato returns. "And you can pretend that there is no glare in here!"

* * *

Later, outside the school. Shizune and Kabuto were walking down a pathway...

"So, how was your first day?" asks Shizune.

Kabuto shakes his head. "Terrible. At the end of the lesson, the students tricked me into having some Saké." Kabuto takes out his cell phone. "I need to call Kakashi."

Kabuto makes his phone call...

* * *

Kakashi answers his phone.

"Kakashi Hatake speaking. Ah, Kabuto. Good, I need you to go to the Parent/Teacher night for me..."

_Kabuto: "But I don't know all the students..."_

Kakashi shrugged. "Well, neither do I, so we're in the same boat. Good luck. It'll be an experience."

Once Kakashi hangs up, Kakashi relaxes on a deck chair by a poolside...

* * *

Later that night, at the sports field. Anko was wearing a torch on her head, digging for the Time Capsule.

"I hate this job," mumbled Anko.

Pikachu was still carrying the Naruto plushie instead of digging.

* * *

Shizune and Kabuto were in the hallway...

"That was some good coffee, Shizune," Kabuto said.

"Yeah."

Tsunade walks up to Shizune and Kabuto. "Excuse me, whoever you are. I want to speak to Shizune."

"Ok." Kabuto walks off.

"Can you guess where teachers in love with others go?" Tsunade asks Shizune.

"Let me guess; gone prostituting and pimping?"

Tsunade looks at Shizune. "Have I told you this story before?"

Shizune nods.

"Well, then I guess you know what happens in the end. They end up going prostituting and pimping," finished Tsunade.

* * *

In the staff room, parents and teachers are preparing for the Parent/Teacher meeting. Shizune was getting some coffee as Yamato walks up to Asuma.

"Asuma, I need you help. I don't know what to say because in front of women, I feel like swearing and talk about bare-handed cockfighting."

Asuma pulls out a sheet if paper from his pocket. "No problem. I wrote this for you to say to Shizune.

Yamato takes the paper and walks up to Shizune.

"Me, myself and Irene." Yamato sees paper again. "Bedroom lust. Gladiator. Big Boobs Heaven."

Shizune simply walks off, deciding to take a quick peek at Kabuto instead of listening to Yamato's nonsense.

Asuma walks next to Yamato and looks at the paper he gave Yamato. "Wait. This is the list of Must-see movies I want to rent." Asuma hands Yamato the correct piece of paper. "This is the one you were supposed to read."

Yamato shakes his head. "Never mind. I think it worked well."

Tsunade walks into the staff room so that she could address the parents and teachers in the room. "I apologize for Principal Fujiyama not being here tonight, but his body has rejected his third kidney."

"Geez, he's fussy!" joked Asuma. Everyone stares at Asuma, considering how tasteless that joke is. "Geez, he's fussy," Asuma repeated.

"I heard you the first time, Asuma. Anyway please make your way around the tastily laminated tables."

Gai then made an announcement. "By the way, the artwork done by the students are in the Art room, so don't go if you are sexually active or easily offended."

Asuma suddenly yelled, "Geez, he's fussy!"

Later, at Yamato's table, Tsume Inuzuka and her son Kiba are sitting in front of Yamato.

"Ok, who's this student?" Yamato asks.

Tsume looks at Yamato. "Don't you know? This is my son, Kiba..."

Yamato looks at his files. "I don't have a file on Kiba, but I'll write a report." Yamato takes out a pen and begins writing as he looks at Kiba. "He's looking energetic and has good broad arms... so I'll give him an **A**." Yamato then looks at Tsume. "What's his name again?"

* * *

At Asuma's table, Iruka is with his daughter Tenten.

"Ok, Iruka, your daughter, Tenten, is quite weak and she tends to get bullied." Then Asuma adds, "And unpopular because of her parents' divorce and her tomboyish looks. So, here's her full report, Iruka." Asuma gives Iruka the report. "Oh, and she tends to drool."

* * *

Kabuto was replacing Kakashi at Kakashi's table. Tsume and her son Kiba happened to be at that table as Kabuto carelessly dropped a few files.

"I'm sorry, madam, but I can't find your son's name," said Kabuto.

"We had the same problem with the Sports teacher," said Tsume.

* * *

Gai's table, Iruka and his son, Lee, are in an interview with his son's teacher. "Lee is a prodigy. His artwork is excellent. You should have seen it."

Iruka shakes his head. "I haven't seen it..."

Gai smiled. "Don't worry, I brought Lee's work here..." Gai shows the artwork to Iruka, only for Iruka to be taken to the point of a near heart-attack just from one look at the artwork.

"That is revolting!" screamed Iruka.

Gai disagrees. "No, it's not. It's the embrace of the male nudity."

"I don't mind embracing male nudity. It's because of embracing your nudity that is revolting." Iruka looks at his son and Gai. "I am dealing with a couple of Perverts here! Stay away from my sick son!" Iruka runs off.

At Anko's table, Anko is interviewing Tsume and her son.

"Ok, your son is good in all of his subjects but he tends to get dazed while at the crossing. He gets into accidents at school so it's better if he is put down..."

Tsunade walks to Anko's table. "Get out," she ordered.

Anko begins to protest. "Tsunade! I am not a dog."

Tsunade points at Anko's muddy boots. "Well, look. You've placed mud on my floor."

* * *

Outside the school, Shizune and Kabuto are looking at the sky.

"Those stars look beautiful," Shizune said, pointing at the sky.

Kabuto nods. "Yeah, it reminds me of the time we were in the Arctic."

Shizune laughs. "Yeah, when your shoe fell into the water."

Kabuto laughed. "Yeah, my shoe...I still remember that and this."

Kabuto drops to onto one knee, but Shizune isn't sure what Kabuto is talking about.

"Huh?"

"My proposal," said Kabuto.

"Oh...the one I rejected." Shizune looks away. "I know it's been a long time. But..."

Shizune grabs Kabuto and with a seductive voice, she says, "Kiss me in the lips."

As Kabuto and Shizune were kissing, Tsunade just happen to see the scene from behind a glass door...

* * *

Back inside the Staff room, Tsume is interviewing the last teacher, Asuma Sarutobi.

Asuma smiled. "Your son has been good at computers."

"Well, at least you know who my son is, unlike the other teachers," said Tsume.

"Well, he is also good at making dresses." Asuma gives the file to Tsume.

"I never knew my son was a computer genius and a dressmaker." Tsume looks at the file. "And his name is not Hinata Hyuga. None of you know who my son is!"

Tsume quickly takes Kiba out of the room. "Come on, Kiba!"

Asuma looks at another file. "Then, is his name Shino?"

At that moment, Yamato walks up to Asuma, still wearing the shades. "Asuma, have you seen Shizune?"

Asuma shakes his head. "Nope, haven't seen her since she left with Kabuto."

Yamato sighs. "I give up. I'm going out for some fresh air..."

* * *

Outside the school building, it was dark that Yamato couldn't even see what time it is on his watch due to his dark shades. Yamato sits on a bench.

"I give up," Yamato said. "She will never find me attractive even with these shades and thong underpanties. I stop before I embarrass myself..."

What Yamato did not know is that his monologue has been heard by Kabuto and Shizune sitting next to Yamato on the same bench...

* * *

The next day, in Tsunade's office. Iruka and Gai were in the room stating their case to Tsunade over Iruka's son's artwork.

"I find that completely offending!" yelled Iruka.

Gai disagrees. "Nah, it's a work of art."

Tsunade takes one look at the artwork and made her decision. "It's banned. Destroy it."

Iruka smiled and nods at Tsunade. "Thank you."

As Iruka leaves the room, Gai sits in front of Tsunade's desk. "What's wrong with it? Is it too hot for you? Are you scared of it?"

Tsunade rubs her forehead. "Gai. Let's just say that it's not because I'm scared or it's shocking or it's Hot. It is because it's boring and I'm sick of it. Every year we have an art exhibition, and every year the centerpiece is always a nude picture of you," explained Tsunade.

Then Anko enters the room, covered in dirt, carrying a box followed by Pikachu, still holding the Naruto plushie.

"This is it. I found the time capsule," Anko announced.

Tsunade smiled. "Great..."

Pikachu places the Naruto plushie on the table next to the time capsule.

"Put it away," Tsunade said.

Pikachu takes the Plushie.

* * *

Shizune and Kabuto were walking down a hallway.

"I can't believe Tsunade cut of my 3 weeks here," Kabuto said.

Shizune nods. "Well, she did catch us kissing."

Kabuto shakes his head. "Actually, the students tricked me into having a morning joint earlier. I'm sorry, Shizune. I have to call Kakashi."

Kabuto makes a phone call.

* * *

Kakashi wakes up to the phone call from Kabuto.

"Kakashi Hatake speaking..."

_Kabuto: "Hey, Kakashi, my 3 weeks has been cut short...so I'll be leaving."_

Kakashi nods. "Ok. I'll be back as soon as I can."

He hangs up and makes another call. "Hey, it's Kakashi here. Can you get me tickets for the first flight to Konoha?"

* * *

Later, in the staff room...

Tsunade, Gai, Yamato, Anko, Asuma, Shizune and Iruka and his children were there.

Tsunade makes her announcement. "Now is the opening of the time capsule. Let's see what we can find inside."

Tsunade opens the box with a crowbar. "And first up is..." Tsunade takes out... "A Cell phone?"

Tsunade picks up another object from the box, which is... "A CD?"

Tsunade looks at the objects. And looks in the box. "Where's the bottle of Clear Soda?"

Asuma remembers something. "Wait, that's the time capsule I buried with my 9th Grade Students yesterday. Look. Yesterday's newspaper." Asuma opens the newspaper to the Fashion page and began to laugh at the fashion of yesterday. "Look at that fashion, HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

* * *

Outside the school, Shizune was saying her last goodbyes to Kabuto.

"Come with me, Shizune, don't worry. Let's get married and I'll support you..."

"Kabuto, if I had the chance, I would have married you and have a drug-free labor, and live in a nice apartment." She looks at Kabuto. "But my job comes first. Sorry Kabuto, I hope to see you again."

Kabuto nods. "Ok. I guess this is it. Goodbye, Shizune."

As Kabuto walks pass a bin, Yamato watched his competition for Shizune leaving.

"Seems, I don't need this anymore..." Yamato tosses the sunglasses into the bin as he walks back into the school.

Then Gai to the bin and looks at Lee's portrait of Gai and sighs. It's such a waste of a beautiful piece of art _(in Gai's mind.)_ Gai puts the nude portrait of himself in the bin and walks off...

Then Pikachu walks by and puts the Naruto Plushie into the bin and walks off, leaving the poor Naruto Plushie to cover up Gai's bottom bits in the bin.

**End of Episode 2: Parent Teacher Night**


	3. Icha Icha

In Asuma's classroom, Yamato is reading the day's newspaper with Asuma sitting next to him

"Looks like it's going to be another hot day. Wet and sticky..."

Asuma looks around nervously. "Yeah...well...it wouldn't get worst. There may have a chance that I messed up."

"Why?"

"Well, while I was getting the papers at the bookshop, I didn't notice the students behind me."f

Yamato sighs. He as a very clear idea on what had happened. "Oh, I can guess the rest. You read the papers, got bored. Then you start to read the Women's Magazines. And then if you can't enough, so you went to read the Icha Icha series..."

Asuma nods. "Yeah...except I went straight to the Icha Icha series this time."

Yamato continues. "And then, one of the students said, _'Hot enough for you, Mr. Sarutobi?'_"

"That's exactly what they said," said Asuma. "I thought it was the weather they were talking about."

"Why didn't you notice the students before?" Yamato said. "I mean, once you get into that classroom, you have to kiss that habit goodbye. I mean it hurts, but it's the best you could do!"

Asuma shrugs off Yamato's statement. "It won't spread." Asuma worriedly looks at Yamato. "They wouldn't spread something like that, would they?"

* * *

**Konoha High: Forever Up, Sitting Down **

_Episode 3: Icha Icha_

By PikaFlash

* * *

Tsunade is walking down a hallway when students were leaving Kakashi's classroom.

"Class is over," said Kakashi. "Go on home, kids."

Tsunade looks at Kakashi. "Kakashi, what are you doing?"

"I have to send them home because by law, it's 32 Degrees C," explains Kakashi

"Kakashi! You only let the students go home when the weather's at 62 Degrees C!" Tsunade yelled.

"Oh. Now that makes more sense. That's the fourth time this week," said Kakashi. "Thanks boss."

Kakashi is about to walk off when Tsunade stops him.

"Go get the students back," ordered Tsunade.

"Oh so that they won't miss school?" Kakashi nods. "Great idea. After I get a cup of coffee..."

* * *

Later, in Tsunade's office. Shizune isn't feeling well as she sits across Tsunade's desk.

"Tsuande, I don't think I can teach today. The heat and the problems with the air conditioning are making me sick. I can hardly breathe, move my legs and only 2 people in Konoha are known to have them at the moment."

"It's not surprising that the other person is Principal Fujiyama since he's in hospital with the same complaint but it's surprising from you," said Tsunade. "Pikachu is fixing the air conditioning, so why not take a break and if you are feeling better, you can teach your afternoon class and if you are still sick, you still have to teach because we're understaffed."

As Shizune leaves the room, Kakashi enters the room...

"Sorry to barge in like this Boss, but someone has stolen the portable classroom outside. Must be some drug dealer wanting money."

Tsunade shakes her head. "It's not stolen, Kakashi, it's just been moved to the other side of the school."

"Oh." Kakashi sits on the chair in front of Tsunade's desk. "Then what are we going to do about those drug dealers?"

"There is no drug dealer, Kakashi," she said.

Kakashi nods. "Oh...the puzzle pieces fit together now. By the way, now that the portable classroom moved, there's an uncovered graffiti on the south wall that Iruka may want to talk to you about."

* * *

Meanwhile, at the South Wall. Iruka was staring at the wall, with the graffiti reading **'Iruka Umino is a Flick Wipe'** written white spray paint...

* * *

Outside Yamato's classroom, Yamato and Asuma walked pass some students.

"Morning, Men," greets Yamato.

The students nod in reply.

"How's it going?" greets Asuma.

The students laughed at Asuma.

Asuma looks at Yamato. "Two words out," Asuma said. "I don't know how you do it, but it is. I don't know how it feels how everyone idolizes you, but you don't know how precious it is until it's gone."

"Well, if you want to learn how to hang on to it, watch and learn when I handle my class. I'll show you how I take care of the students...ok. Watch me handle the 10th Graders..."

Yamato enters the room as Asuma watched from outside. Yamato begins his class.

"Today, we will start on soccer. It's the type of sport where you kick the ball. Once I kicked my father's head and he never ever wanted do a header when I'm around again. He cried like a girl and I lost my respect for him after that. Just like you're not respecting me right now, Shikamaru Nara!" Yamato suddenly kicks Shikamaru's table. "How dare you cross your arms while I'm talking to you? You may as well spit right at me in the face! I dare you, or are you a weak punk? Well, go outside and I'll have a word with you later!"

As the Shikamaru leaves, Asuma opens the door for him...

"**AND THE SAME GOES FOR ALL OF YOU! ANYONE ELSE WANTS TO SPIT AT MY FACE!**"

Asuma was watching in awe at what Yamato is disciplining his students.

"Wow, will you look at that." said Asuma. "If Shizune was here, she would fall head over heels..."

* * *

Meanwhile, at the sick bay. Kakashi walks into the room and sees Shizune lying on the bed.

"Oh, hey, Shizune. Don't worry, I know the story, I won't tell anyone. Sometimes I take a nap once in a while here when I'm not having classes...and sometimes in the middle of class."

"I'm not sneaking for a sleep," Shizune explained. "I'm really sick...get out."

"Can't," said Kakashi. "Boss sent me to do Sick Bay duty today. Don't worry. I'll take care of you. If you're sick, why don't you take your clothes off?"

Shizune sighs. "I think I'll leave my clothes on, Kakashi."

"Ok." Kakashi notices a bottle of chest rub on the table. "Chest rub. Hey Shizune, if you are really sick, can I rub some chest rub on you?"

"Don't touch me, Kakashi," warned Shizune.

Kakashi nods. "Ok. What about if I put some chest rub on me?"

Shizune just turned over on the bed as Kakashi rubs his chest with the chest rub.

"Now that feels good..."

* * *

Meanwhile, Anko and Pikachu were in the staff lounge, with Pikachu looks at the vent.

"How long are you going to look at that vent for, Pikachu?" asks Anko.

Pikachu raises his arms to open the vent; Anko could smell the BO from the yellow rodent.

"My god! Pikachu you stink! Don't you use deodorant?"

Pikachu takes out an aerosol can and shows it to Anko.

"This is a bug spray, moron," said Anko.

Pikachu points to another part of the can for Anko to read.

"Oh, _**2-in-1 body spray and bug repellent**_. My mistake..."

Then as Pikachu starts to climb the vent, Anko notices that Pikachu happens to be showing his backside to her, with pretty much disgusts her.

"I'm going to my library, you dirty, filthy Pikachu!" Anko runs off.

* * *

At Asuma's computer classroom, just as Asuma enters, the students started to chant, "**PORNO! PORNO!**"

"SHUT UP!" yelled Asuma.

Tsunade happens to be outside as she hears the chants and Asuma notices her...

"**NO PORN! NO PORN!**" chanted Asuma, trying to cover the chanting. The students stop chanting, so Asuma continues his _'scolding'_...

"And if I catch any of you horny bastards looking at porn on these computers, I will make you chant **'NO PORN! NO PORN!'** as long as I dare..." Asuma feigns surprise seeing Tsunade at the door to his class. "Oh, afternoon Vice-Principal Tsunade."

Then Tsunade continues walking on to Iruka's class next door as she sees the students chanting to Iruka, **"UMINO IS A FLICK WIPE! UMINO IS A FLICK WIPE!"**

* * *

In the staff room, Yamato, Asuma, Kakashi, Gai, Anko and Iruka were waiting for Tsunade for the staff meeting when Tsunade finally enters the room.

"Before we start our meeting, the winner of the 10th Grade's _'Guess how many Candy is there in the Jar Competition'_ goes to our very own, Kakashi Hatake. For the record, the exact amount of candy inside is **3**. And I also noticed that some teachers lost their authority over the students..."

Iruka stood up. "In my defence, Tsunade, it wasn't my fault that a piece of tasteless graffiti about me has been exposed..."

Kakashi is rubbing his chest with the chest rub. "I saw that Iruka. I was wondering: What is a _'Flick Wipe'_, anyway? Does it mean that you're a gutless bastard?" Kakashi asks.

"I can shed some light on that since I was once called a Flick Wipe a few times before," Gai said. "It means you're a _'Sweet Hussy'_."

Kakashi looks at Gai. "But, Sweet Hussy, does that means Iruka's a Gutless Bastard?"

Iruka looks at Tsunade. "So, when is Pikachu going to remove it?"

"I think after Pikachu fixes the Air-conditioning system," said Anko. "Pikachu has been following me since the staff lounge to the library and it's starting to stink."

Tsunade nods. "Yeah, on a separate issue, it would appear that the air-conditioning is currently lethal, so bear that in mind if you intend to breath."

Anko rolled her eyes.

"I had Pikachu in the system to find the source of the foul smell," adds Tsunade.

"The only foul thing in the system is Pikachu," said Anko. "That rodent has made my library smell like a dead horse."

"The good news for you is that you won't be in your library, Anko," Tsunade said. "You'll be substituting Shizune's class since she's sick."

"Might I also add that the Male Staff Toilet is off-limits. I had in my good authority because after 30 years, the urinal needs to be re-aligned and buffed, so you have to use the Boy's toilet..."

Yamato is shocked. "What? Use the Boys Toilet? That's sick!"

"But that doesn't mean that it's not normal, Yamato." said Tsunade. "It shouldn't be a problem."

"Maybe not to you." Yamato explains, "Relieving yourself with boys next to you, I think it's sick."

"But it's great that we could catch up on the gossip around the school," Kakashi adds as he rubs his chest.

"Well, that has nothing to do with me as I will continue to use the Female Staff Toilet," said Gai. "Anyway, I would also like to remind everyone that the staff photo is being taken this afternoon, which I would be directing so I'm going for a slightly more radical approach this year. There will be no smiles, everyone will be in profile and some people may not even be seen."

Gai focuses on Iruka.

* * *

Later, outside the Boys' Toilets. Yamato is nervously looking around with as Asuma looks at a notice board.

"Asuma...I really need to go," Yamato said.

"Then go on."

Yamato shakes his head. "I can't. I think its sick relieving yourself in the boys' toilet."

"Don't worry...just go," said Asuma. "There are not a lot of kids in there."

Yamato reluctantly goes into the boys' toilet as Shikamaru happens to walk in.

Inside the boys' toilet, Shino took the only cubicle in the boy's toilet and Shikamaru is at the urinal. And as Yamato enter and tries for the cubicle, it just happens that Shino is in it. So, Yamato has no choice but to do his business at the urinal next to Shikamaru.

Yamato is relieving himself, Shikamaru happens to look down Yamato's pants. After looking down, Shikamaru began to snigger and Yamato heard him.

"Did someone tell a joke in here?" Yamato asks. "It's just because you're laughing that I thought someone told a joke."

Yamato is done with his business and sends a glare at Shikamaru. "And if there is a joke in here, nobody has to find out about it, do they?"

Shikamaru shakes his head as he tries to contain his snigger as Yamato leaves the boys' toilet.

* * *

At Shizune's social studies class, Sakura and Sasuke were chatting when Anko taps her pen on the desk.

"Stop that. You kids irritate me when you talk." Anko looks at her book then, she looks back at Sasuke and Sakura. "In fact...you kids being here irritate me, so get on with your diaries."

Then Anko starts to smell something foul in the room. She looks around, only for the side vent to open and Pikachu's rear end slowing moving back out...

"I can't take it anymore!" screamed Anko as she runs off.

* * *

In Iruka's Science and Math's classroom, the students continued to chant.

"**UMINO IS A FLICK WIPE! UMINO IS A FLICK WIPE!"**

"That's it!" Iruka leaves the classroom as students threw paper at him.

* * *

Asuma enters and walk next to Shikamaru and Choji at the urinal.

"Porno..." whispers Choji and Shikamaru nods.

As Asuma opens the zipper of his pants to relieve himself, both Shikamaru and Choji had a look down and both have an 'oh my god!' look on their faces after seeing what Asuma has...

* * *

Anko is in Tsunade's office sitting in front of Tsunade's desk.

"I'm not going back in there, Tsunade. Fire me if you have to, but I'm not going near that stench."

"Ok, I'll go have a check on Shizune," said Tsunade. "If she's well, she can take the class. If she can't, hold your breath and hope for the best."

"I'm not going anywhere near that stinking mute Pikachu. He's silent, but deadly. I'll be outside."

As Anko runs out, Iruka enters the office. "Tsunade, I'm not teaching until that graffiti goes."

"I'm sorry Iruka, but I just got a phone call about that graffiti from the local council. It seems that they have declared that it has great historical significance and I can't get rid of it. They need to trace its origins because they are intrigue of the term 'flick wipe'."

Iruka protests. "Well, it can't stay, Tsuande. The students are in frenzy and it's making me into the school joke!"

"But I don't think it is link to the graffiti, Iruka. I think it's because of your lack of character and pizzazz."

Iruka couldn't believe it.

"You can blame the graffiti if it makes it feel better," said Tsunade. "But both of us know that's not fair, isn't it?"

* * *

In the Sports field, the students were preparing for Soccer when Yamato walks up to them.

"Alright, no messing around! I got a short fuse, you know!"

Then the students started to laugh at Yamato's statement. Yamato has lost all respect for his students now...

* * *

Tsunade enters the sick bay only to find a topless Kakashi is lying on the bed, moaning and groaning while Shizune is resting on the chair.

"I thought you were the one who is sick, Shizune?"

"Kakashi had ODed of Chest Rub," Shizune explains.

"I can't feel my nipples," Kakashi said as he feels his chest.

"Shizune, you'll have to go back to your own class because Anko is refusing to teach," Tsuande said.

"But Tsunade, I'm sick! I would be standing for the staff photograph if it wasn't for Kakashi," Shizune said. "I refused to teach."

Tsunade crossed her arms. "Well then, I have no choice but to do this. It may sound manipulative but I don't have much of a choice. It never failed me before."

"Please, Tsunade, don't..."

"What about the kids?" Tsunade said.

"But it's not fair, Tsunade, I can barely feel my pulse," said Shizune as she puts her right fingers on her left wrist.

Tsunade looks at Shizune. It looks like there's no way for Shizune to win. "Alright, Tsunade, I will go..."

After Shizune leaves the room, Kakashi tries to get the Chest Rub on the table but Tsunade snatches it away.

* * *

As Yamato and Asuma were in the hallway as Shikamaru, Choji and Kiba walked past.

"How's it going?" asks Yamato.

The students laughed.

"Afternoon, men," greets Asuma.

The students nod at Asuma. "Oh, afternoon, Mr. Sarutobi," greets Shikamaru.

"You want a game of soccer after school?" Asuma asks.

Then, the students began to chant, "**Mr. Sarutobi! Mr. Sarutobi!**" giving the answer Asuma wants.

"Well, well, I have become the most popular guy in the school...again."

* * *

In Shizune's classroom, the school bell rings, ending school for the day and Pikachu just has his back outwards in the vent, trying to free whatever that is jammed in the vent.

"You may put your diaries on the desk." The students put their diaries on Shizune's desk, with Shikamaru being the last student. Shikamaru decides to place a pencil on Pikachu's rear end...

As Shizune watched, she scolds Shikamaru. "Shikamaru, leave Pikachu alone...he's school property."

Once Shikamaru has left the classroom, Shizune reads Shikamaru's diary and the first few lines somehow got Shizune's attention. "Today I went to the toilet with Mr. Yamato?"

Shizune leaves her classroom. Pikachu is still in the vent when he takes the pencil off his rear end, only to turn it around and placed it back on where it was on his rear end.

* * *

Yamato is waiting in Asuma's classroom with a six-pack of beer when Asuma walks in wearing sunglasses.

"Sorry, Yamato. Can't drink with you today, the kids will start a riot because they can't get enough of me and the irony is that they can't get enough of me."

Then Asuma leaves and Shizune enters the room. "Oh, Yamato?"

"What is it, Shizune?"

Shizune makes Yamato sits on his chair. "I was looking through some of the students' diaries when I saw one of the boy's entries that mentioned you today."

Shizune reads the diary. "_'Today, I went to the toilet with Mr. Yamato. I...'_" Yamato couldn't take it.

"Alright, what do you want me to day? It's already in the open! I got a condition called **Child's Endowment**! It means that in proportion I'm supposed to have the body of a three year-old. So, call me a man-child if you like."

Shizune is confused. "I just wanted to know why you were in the boys' toilets, that all. It sounded a bit sick, Yamato."

Yamato realized his mistake. "Oh, well, Tsunade said we had to use it," he explains.

"Oh, I didn't know that," Shizune said.

"So, there's nothing else in the diary about me?"

"No, that's it." Shizune turn the page and reads it. "Oh there is more." She looks at Yamato. "So that's what you meant."

Yamato can't believe it. Now even Shizune knows about his condition...

* * *

In the Sports Field, the Students were waiting for the penalty kick while chanting for their teacher.

"**Mr. Sarutobi! Mr. Sarutobi!**"

Then as Asuma prepares the kick, first, by rubbing his hands on his pants, he kicks, but he missed the ball and trips on it as the ball moves up into the air, and landed into Asuma's own goal at the other end.

The students couldn't believe what happened. Asuma scored an own goal from the opposite end. It was then one of the students chanted, "**PORNO! PORNO!**"

The other students followed in the chanting, embarrassing Asuma off the field.

* * *

Shizune was sitting on a beach chair with an umbrella over herself, Tsunade was looking at her watch with her arms crossed, Anko is posing with her arm up and Iruka is holding the card reading, **'Konoha High School 2008'**. Gai happens to be adjusting the camera. "You're supposed to be in profile, Anko! And I can still see your face, Iruka!"

Anko moves herself while Iruka had no choice but to face the wall behind him, while holding the card on his behind him.

"This is pathetic," mumbled Anko.

Iruka remembered something. "Hey, Anko. You were a student here 15 years ago. Do you know who did that graffiti?" he asks.

"Can't remember. It's been a long time, but I'm certain it was me who did it."

Iruka is surprised. "Why?"

"Don't act innocent, Iruka," Anko said. "I needed you physically, but you pushed me away, like the man you are."

"But why **'Flick Wipe'**? What does that mean?" asks Iruka.

"It means that you are a gutless bastard," she answers.

Gai is still adjusting the camera.

"Kakashi, your hand on Yamato's shoulder."

Kakashi _(who is suffering from withdrawal from the chest rub)_ puts his hand on Yamato's shoulder. "Yamato, you got to get me some chest rub."

Shizune looks up from her deck chair.

"Meet me after school I can get you a bottle for 2000 Ryou," Yamato said. "It's pricey, but it's pure."

Then Asuma stands next to Yamato.

"How's the game?" Yamato asks.

"I went from Pop to Porn."

Yamato nods.

"Asuma, your fathead is clashing with Yamato's pinhead...go to the other side."

Then Asuma stands next to Tsunade and smiles as he puts on his shades.

Gai then reminds everyone as he sets the timer. "Remember, no smiling..."

Kakashi and Yamato gave a tiny smile...

Shizune was on the beach chair giving a small smile...

Gai runs to Iruka and embraces him for the picture.

The photo is taken.

Anko is pointing at the graffiti reading, **'Iruka Umino is a Flick Wipe'**, while Gai is embracing Iruka. Next to them, Yamato and Tsunade are standing, while Shizune is on her deck chair, being sheltered with an umbrella, behind her, Kakashi is standing behind Yamato with his hand on Yamato's shoulder.

* * *

Meanwhile, back in Shizune's classroom. Pikachu finally reveals the cause of the stench that is making the air-conditioning lethal. He pulls a decomposed pig out of the vent and puts it in a corner...

**End of Episode 3: Icha Icha**


	4. Social Intercourse

Asuma walked into his classroom where Yamato happens to be sitting on a chair.

"So, Yamato, had you asked Shizune as a partner for tomorrow's _**Staff Compulsory Afternoon of Social Intercourse**_?"

Yamato shakes his head. "Nope. Didn't have the balls to do it."

"You can't go there without a partner." Asuma sits next to Yamato. "Well, you are welcome to use the line I use for my wife, Kurenai, when I first met her."

"And what's that?" asks Yamato.

"I raise my left index finger, put it near her ear," Asuma moves closer to Yamato. "And whispered, _'Don't make me stalk you!'_"

* * *

**Konoha High: Forever Up, Sitting Down**

_Episode 4: Social Intercourse_

By PikaFlash

Disclaimers: All characters, cast, crew and any ideas in this fic belong to their respective owners...

* * *

Iruka was walking down the stairs when he sees Shikamaru drops a piece of paper near a trash can.

"Ok, mister, pick that up and put it in the bin." Iruka started off with a stern tone, then he went easy and adds, "Please?"

Shikamaru did not do anything, but when Yamato happens to walk by...

"Alright! You pick that up and put it in the bin before I make you pick that up and put it in the bin!" yelled Yamato.

Shikamaru did as he was told.

Yamato notices the way Shikamaru is dressed. "And tuck your shirt in! Right down to the socks, you scum!" Yamato looks at Shikamaru's face. "And if I ever see you again, in a good mood, I will crucify you!"

Shikamaru runs off in fear.

* * *

Shizune walks into the Staff Room and finds Kakashi is sitting at the table eating chocolate bars.

"Kakashi, you have been sitting there eating all day," Shizune said. "Now, is there a good reason why you aren't teaching right now instead of sitting there, eating all day?"

"I got a perfectly good reason, Shizune," said Kakashi. "The central locking system of my car messed up and I can't get my teacher materials inside," Kakashi explained. "I was locked out until lunchtime."

"Then why didn't you teach after lunch?"

"Well, after lunch, I couldn't be bothered." Kakashi offers a chocolate bar. "Anyway, Shizune, I got some chocolate from the cafeteria. Want a _**Chocolate Bogawoga**_?

Shizune looks at the food that Kakashi has. "Is that what the kids are eating these days? No wonder the mobile dentist asked if we've been feeding students with _**Big Digi's Rich Tasty Paint Strips**_."

Shizune takes the bar and walks off...

* * *

Tsunade walks up to Anko at the library.

"Hi, Anko. I come here with good tidings," said Tsunade. "We were able to afford a full-time qualified librarian assistant for you."

"How could we get the money afford it?" Anko asks.

"The Senator," answers Tsunade.

"I thought Senator Mimi would promise education cutbacks?" asked Anko.

"Not Senator Mimi," corrects Tsunade. "The Senator I'm talking about is a horse. Pikachu had a tip last weekend and I used the money meant for your new books on The Senator and you know the rest of the story."

"Wasn't that risky?"

Tsunade nods. "Yeah, it backfired on us before. That's why we don't have a Woodwork area. But this time, we had a lot of leftover funds that after the assistant, we have enough for your new books."

Asuma just happened to be looking at the reference books in the library. He turns around and said, "No, don't buy new books. These days libraries are now about self-serve check-outs and laser-security gates. I can help you with that because my father makes self-serve check-outs and laser-security gates."

"But we need new books," Anko said. "The last Guinness book of records we have is from 1985...and I can put that much golf balls in my mouth than the guy that time."

Tsunade looks around. "You're right, Asuma. We sure do need to update the library. Asuma, go ask your father to put up the security systems." Then she looks at Asuma's shirt. "How many days in a row have you been wearing that shirt? A week?"

Asuma looks at his shirt. "13 days. It was a hand-me-down from my big brother. Well, last week the pits gave way..." Asuma raises his arms, revealing large holes in the underarms of his shirt as Tsunade fans the smell away as Asuma moves pass Tsunade to leave the library.

* * *

In the staff room, Kakashi is still eating at the table when Tsunade walks in.

"Kakashi, I need you to go get the Mono Sound system I've rented and some offal-based finger food for tomorrow's Social Intercourse."

Kakashi looks up. "A Mono Sound System. Awww f...antastic. Those things blast out pure sound," said Kakashi. "My parents had one of those when we were staying in Tokyo. My father said to me that I was conceived while listening to the Mono Sound System, but my mom said that I was IVF."

Shizune enters the staff room with a candy bar.

"Tsunade, can you believe what's the cafeteria offering to our decaying and overweight students?"

Tsunade is shocked at the accusation at her, (or so she thinks). "I have nothing to do with that. The menu was made up by those sauce-stained women working there."

"Well, let's blow the winds will change up their sauce-stained skirts," suggested Shizune. "Pikachu has maintained an immaculate Organic Vegetable garden. With his help, I'll be able to create a much healthier menu for the students by lunchtime tomorrow and it's cost effective too."

"Well the _'Cost Effective'_ bit has bought me," said Tsunade, "Why did you waste your time telling me about the health of the students?"

Yamato walks up to Shizune.

"By the way, Shizune, can I have a word with you about the social tomorrow," said Yamato.

"Sure, Yamato."

Yamato breaths in. "Shizune, you're so beauti..."

"Just a second, Yamato." Shizune turns her head to Tsunade. "Oh, Tsunade, partners are allowed at toe social, right?"

Tsunade nods. "Yes, but I won't tolerate any sexual tension."

Shizune smiled. "I'm going to bring my boyfriend, Itachi. He's looking forward to meeting you all."

"Who's this Itachi? A girl?" asks Yamato. "What does he work as? A girl?"

"He's a police officer," Shizune explains. "You'll meet him tomorrow."

Yamato nods. "Well, I also have a girlfriend and you'll meet her tomorrow."

"Oh, really? I didn't know you have a new girlfriend, Yamato?" said Shizune. "What's does she do?"

"She's a...fire hydrant...assistant."

"And what's her name?" Shizune asks.

Yamato looks around. "Errr...Itachi," he answers.

Shizune nods. "Well, she sounds lovely. I look forward to meeting her. Shizune walks off.

Once Shizune leaves, Yamato runs to Kakashi.

"Kakashi, I need your help. I need you to find me a girl..."

Kakashi is confused. "Find you a girl? Why do you need another one when you have Itachi?"

Yamato shakes his head. "No, well, I sort of broke up with her, but I've already told everyone about her so I need you to find me one just to pass her off as Itachi."

Kakashi nods. "Sure, no problem. But in my opinion, you really should have stayed with Itachi. Fire Hydrant assistants, now that's hot..."

* * *

The next day, Asuma has finished putting up the laser-security gates in a new shirt as Tsunade walks up to Anko.

"So Anko, how's the new assistant?" asks Tsuande.

"Well, Miss Suzume has relieved me of the task of putting away books. She wants to work from now till 9 tonight without so much as taking a quick break or a muscle-relaxing squat.

Asuma gets up after screwing in the last of the gates.

"Ok, now, I have finished the new gates with a new shirt." Asuma shows off his new shirt to Tsunade and Anko. "Tsunade, I took you comment by heart and got myself a new shirt...it's an _**'Ino Y'**_" Asuma points at the _**'Ino Y'**_ words on his shirt.

Asuma then shows Tsunade and Anko how the new system works. "Now, all the students have to do is to record the book with this little buzzer here." Asuma picks up the book scanner. "This will check-out the book, and if they don't, the student will get an electric shock, which will numb their arms, causing the student to drop the book...or lost a digit."

Tsunade smiled. "And I hope this will be the last complaint I hear from here."

"And by the way, with the Assistant, the self-serve checkout and gates around to make Anko redundant, you could save money by sacking Anko."

That suddenly got Tsunade thinking as the school bell/signal rang, marking the end of classes and the start of the lunch break. As Asuma and Tsunade walked through the gate, lasers surround them making a beep...

* * *

Iruka dismissed his students from his class and saw Yamato...

"Yamato, I need you to come here for a moment..."

"Sure, what is it?" Yamato walks into Iruka's classroom.

"I need you to teach me how to yell..."

Yamato shakes his head. "Well, good teachers do not need to yell, you need to learn how to glare." Yamato glares at Iruka. "I have given glares that can make students vomit...like this.

As Yamato glares around the room and once his glare is facing Iruka, Iruka looks like he wants to puke...

* * *

Choji and Neji happened to walk past Pikachu's garden, where Pikachu is preparing to spray his garden. Shizune walks up to the garden.

"Pikachu, you'll be pleased to know that your vegetables will be the backbone of the new cafeteria menu," said Shizune. "What's your secret?"

Pikachu picks up a bottle of _**Pure Whiskey**_.

Shizune nods. "Right, I'll be back to help you pull out the veggies..."

As Shizune left, Pikachu was spraying the garden with the whiskey in the spray bottle. Then, he sprayed some whiskey in his mouth before he sprays his vegetables again..."

* * *

In the library, Asuma was holding a hammer, hammering the gates as the gates were zapping...

"Asuma, what's happening with the gates."

"They're broken," answers Anko. "The gates have caused students' clothes to fade and some students have fused together with other Students. These gates and the assistant are no longer needed."

Asuma disagrees. "Don't worry, I must have set the lasers too high because the same wiring used for the gates are used in the Houses of Execution in the States. And I can't go to the power room or I'll dirty my new shirt." Asuma points at the name on his shirt. "It's an _**'Ino Y'**_."

Asuma walks off and Tsunade looks at Anko. "Well, it seems that Miss Suzume and the gates are meshing together well."

"No," said Anko. "This place is a huge mess. Get rid of them all."

Tsunade changes her subject. "Why, Anko, isn't today your birthday?"

Anko nods. "Yes, it is."

"Sorry, I changed the subject...you're fired." Tsunade leaves the library.

* * *

Back in Pikachu's garden, Pikachu was holding a rake when Shizune arrived wearing gloves.

"Alright, Pikachu. It's almost lunchtime. Better pull out these vegetables and get them washed." As Shizune checked on the vegetables, Pikachu has a flashback when he grew those vegetables.

**Pikachu's Flashback**

Pikachu had the ground loosened with the aid of a workhorse pulling a plough.

Then he planted the seeds for his garden...

He grew them, groomed them, sprayed whiskey and even slept on the vegetable bed...

**End Flashback**

Then as Pikachu comes back to reality, he realizes that his pride and joy is about to be taken away from him. Pikachu quickly grabs a rake and attacks Shizune.

Shizune looks at Pikachu. "What's with you, Pikachu?"

Then Pikachu scares Shizune away with his rake.

* * *

In Iruka's class, Ino and Sakura were whispering to each other and Ino started to laugh and Iruka heard her.

"Hey!" Iruka starts to glare at Ino, which began to make her uncomfortable after a while.

* * *

Kakashi happens to pick up a woman, who enters his car.

"Ok, Jun. Here's an easy job for you tonight. All you have to do is to pretend your name is 'Itachi' and this guy is your boyfriend..."

Kakashi takes out a picture of Yamato that scared Jun. Kakashi gives a look at the picture, only to get the same reaction Jun got. It turns out that the picture is of Yamato doing a glare.

"Ok, don't get depress now," said Kakashi. "I may have something that would cheer you up."

Takes out a cassette and puts it into the Mono Sound System. Loud music is played.

_**Mono Sound System: "Kakashi Hatake speaking, how you're doing, no seriously, how ya doing?"**_

Kakashi drives off in his car with Jun.

* * *

In the Staff room, Anko is packing up her belongings while Tsunade has began the meeting.

"On to today's** Compulsory Staff Social Function**, which purpose is to temporary bind us together. Who's bringing a partner?"

Shizune raised her hand. "I am. Itachi will be coming over as soon as he is off-duty."

Yamato nods. "Yeah, me too. Sweet Itachi..."

"Well, my wife Kurenai couldn't come, don't make a mistake," said Asuma. "We have a wonderful relationship, I just made a point not to be seen with her in public for a week."

"I assume that you are not bringing a partner this afternoon, Iruka?" Tsunade looks at Iruka.

"Well, with my professional life in chaos, my personal life is blossoming," said Iruka. "I will be having a partner in my arms this afternoon. We just entered an intense de facto relationship with Ami...I'm not sure of her second name."

"Gai? There's word that you are bringing a partner?"

"Maybe...maybe not."

"What's his name?" asks Asuma as both he and Yamato snigger.

"Grow up, you too," said Shizune.

"His name is Akamaru, he is very fit and I dare you to laugh at him today," said Gai.

"I'm ok with all that sort of nonsense, ok?" Asuma said. "At least I will know someone will appreciate my new shirt. It's an _**'Ino Y'**_." Asuma points at the name on his shirt.

"Oh, that reminds me," Tsunade said. "Today's Anko's birthday and her last day at this school, so if we could sing her 'Happy Birthday', it would be great..."

Anko was packing up her things when she heard Tsunade's words. She smiled as she heard Tsunade.

"...but we're pressed for time, so let's leave it there."

A disappointed Anko leaves the staff room.

* * *

Outside the school as Kakashi parks his car.

"Ok, here we are." Kakashi tries to open the door.

"The central locking system is messing up again."

Kakashi tries to open his windows.

"And so are the power windows, dammit! We'll just have to wait until someone lets us out." Kakashi suddenly smiles and looks at Jun. "But I know how we can pass...the time."

Then as Kakashi move his head closer to Jun, Jun prepares to kiss Kakashi when he suddenly takes out the cassette and puts it into the mono sound system...

**_Mono Sound System: "Kakashi Hatake speaking, how you're doing, no seriously, how ya doing?"_**

Kakashi and Jun danced to the "music", causing the car to shake a bit...

* * *

Inside the staff room, where the Annual Compulsory Social Function is taking place, Iruka is with a blue-haired girl. Asuma and Yamato enters the room.

"Oh, guys, I would like you to meet my sexual partner, I mean de facto, Ami.

"Oh, hi. You seem like fun," said Asuma.

A disappointed Shizune enters the staff room.

"Shizune, meet Ami." As Shizune shakes hand with Ami, Iruka notices that Shizune is alone. "Where's Itachi?"

"He's not coming. He's been called back on duty. Guess that's part of being a policeman." Shizune notices that Yamato is alone. "Where's your Itachi, Yamato?"

Yamato looks around. "She's late. Typical of a fire hydrant assistant."

Tsunade entered the room.

"Hey, Tsunade, meet Ami," Iruka called out.

Tsunade smiled. "So you are the one who is helping Iruka puts his social life back together. I got wind about you. Thanks to you, we can close the book on his self-abuse and suicide attempts."

Gai enters the room.

Asuma sniggers. "So where's this, Akamaru, Gai?"

"Has he chickened out?" asks Yamato.

Gai smirked. "I admit it, I nearly did, but then I realized that I'm not afraid to publicly out my love and Akamaru feels the same way. So, now I'll let you deal with your own prejudices and see who gets the last laugh. I want you to meet my partner...Akamaru."

Then as the others stared at the door...then their eyes move to the floor, was a small dog walking towards Gai.

Gai picks up Akamaru and carried him. "What? You want to go tutu? Then, we'd better go outside..."

As Gai left, 2 police officers entered the room with Ino and her mother. Shizune recognized one of the police officers.

"Itachi? You made it after all!"

Itachi puts his arms around Shizune. "Shizune..." Then Itachi snaps out of his daze "Sorry, I'm on duty." Itachi looks around. "Is there anyone here named Iruka Umino?"

"That would be me. Did you meet my sexual partner, Ami?"

Itachi looks at Ino. "Is this the man?"

Ino nods.

"Iruka Umino, I'm afraid that you'll have to come with us to the station," Itachi said. "You're up on a sexual harassment charge."

Iruka is shocked. "What?"

"Young Ino here says that you have glared at her for most of the day in a sexually suggestive and intimidating manner," explains Itachi.

"But there must be some mistake...she was being naughty," said Iruka.

"I would suggest you to keep it shut until we get to the station," said Itachi as he arrests Iruka.

"But, she had to be disciplined." Iruka looks at Ami. "Ami, I swear it's not true."

"You're creepy, Iruka. Go away. Its over." Ami quickly runs off.

Asuma smiled. "Well, they'll be back together again, I can sense it," he said. "I've never seen a more sexually compatible couple."

Itachi then walks up to Asuma. "Excuse me sir, can I ask where have you got that shirt?" asks Itachi "It looks familiar to the one that was lost by Ino yesterday. It was sewn by Mrs. Yamanaka and it has Ino's initials on it, like the one above your breast."

Asuma protests. "I got it from the city and it's expensive and exclusive..."

"And did you steal that from the lost property box?" Itachi asks.

"Yes, I did," said Asuma.

"Would you like to come to the station?"

Asuma nods. "Yes, I would."

Shizune walks up to Itachi. "So, would you be coming to my place for dinner tomorrow night, Itachi?"

Itachi looks around, then at Shizune. "This is one sick school and I can assume that you're one sick lady," said Itachi. Then he looks at Asuma. "Take that shirt off!"

Asuma removes his shirt.

* * *

Outside, Gai let Akamaru run around the field to do what dogs need to do. Akamaru runs up to Pikachu's vegetable garden and prepares to do his business. Pikachu happens to be sweeping up leaves when he then see Akamaru. He quickly pulls out a PokéBall and calls out a Houndoom. Pikachu then sends the Houndoom after Akamaru.

After seeing what has transpired, Gai runs up to Pikachu.

"Your bitch has run off with my partner, you bastard," said Gai.

Then Gai picked up a cabbage and threw it at Pikachu. Pikachu retaliates by pouring whiskey onto Gai while Gai threw some soil at Pikachu.

* * *

Back at the school, Tsunade puts on some lipstick.

"Well, there's no reason why this function shouldn't be a success," said Tsuande, as she looked around the room, which only have Yamato, Shizune and herself.

Yamato has his arms crossed. "Well, we have just 2 bottles of beer between the three of us, no Mono sound system and no food. We might as well play I freaking Spy."

Then the lights in the room suddenly went out

"Where goes that idea?" asks Yamato.

Anko quickly ran in to the room.

"Tsunade, quick, there has been a ghastly accident in the library," she said.

Tsunade and Anko ran to the library, leaving Yamato with Shizune.

* * *

Outside, Gai and Pikachu were still fighting on the vegetable bed. Nearby, Itachi and his fellow officer were escorting Asuma and Iruka to a police van when they saw the fight.

"You take these two while I go check what's going on," Itachi ordered. He then walks to the fight.

"Alright, what is going on here?" Itachi asks as the two stopped fighting. "Fighting in crap and stinking of whiskey? Looks like you're pissed as farts. That's it, you're coming with me to the station!"

Itachi arrests both Gai and Pikachu.

* * *

In the library, Miss Suzume was lying on the floor, with her body emitting a bit of smoke.

"I was collecting the last of my belongings when Miss Suzume walked through the gates. After that, sparks flew and she collapsed," said Anko. "And I've called for an ambulance."

Tsunade checks the body. "She's still warm. Her pulse is normal but she's gone." Tsunade stood up. "I wonder what caused this problem."

Anko picks up a file. "Well, her medical records are here. Let's take a look."

Tsunade reads the file. "That explains it. She has a metal plate in her head and 2 pace makers. Once those gates are up, she wouldn't get out of here alive. Those gates are killers. Get rid of them."

Anko walks up to Tsunade. "Does that mean I can have my job back?"

Tsunade shakes her head. "Now is not the right time..."

Anko nods. "Ok." After a short while. "Will now be the right time?"

Tsunade sighs. "Yes, you can have your job back."

A paramedic entered the library to check on Miss Suzume.

* * *

In the back of the police van, the van door opens and Asuma and Iruka were inside.

"Hi," greeted Asuma and Iruka as Pikachu and Gai were pushed into the back of the van.

"Gai, how's Akamaru? Hi, Pikachu, all covered in crap?" Asuma asks.

As Itachi closes the door, he hears Kakashi's mono sound system at his car and the car shaking.

"Alright, what do we have here?" said Itachi. Itachi and his partner walked up to Kakashi's car and opened the doors...

"Well, it if isn't Jiraiya's little pet, Jun Motomiya, everyone's favorite working girl? Working all the way to this school carpark. I'm going to have to take both of you to the station..."

As Jun was being led away by Itachi, the partner tries to put Kakashi's arm around his back.

"You're trying to put my arm around my back? You can't. It's too big."

* * *

Back at the staff room, Yamato and Shizune were sitting on chairs.

"So, did you get to know this Itachi guy well before he gave you the flick?" Yamato asks.

"I never knew much about Itachi...but Marriage did come to mind," Shizune said.

Yamato nods. "Yeah, I'd kill to be married to woman of some type.

"So, what about your Itachi?" Shizune asks. "She does sound nice."

"Itachi. She's great...but I never really met her. I kinda made her up," admitted Yamato.

Shizune nods. "I had a hunch that you made her up, and that became stronger when Kakashi was sent to get a woman to pretend she's Itachi."

"Yeah, I don't know why I did it," said Yamato.

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone," said Shizune. "Say, I normally don't drink, but do you want a beer together to wash away all those damn Itachis?"

"Sure." Shizune tries to open a bottle of beer, but Yamato offers to help open the bottle.

"Let me help." Yamato opens the bottle and drank a bit...but stops, realizing that Shizune was opening the beer for herself.

"Oops, let me wipe it..."

"There's no need to." Then as takes the bottle and Shizune took a sip of beer. "On second thought, I would like to wipe it."

* * *

Back to the police van, Kakashi and Jun were placed in the cramp space in the back of the Police van.

Asuma sees Jun. "Oh, hi, you must be Itachi. How's fire hydrant attending doing for you?"

Then as Officer Itachi closes the back door, he saw a body bag being wheeled away by the paramedics to an ambulance and Anko and Tsunade carrying the dismantled laser gates that killed Miss Suzume.

"Let's get the hell out of here!" screamed Itachi.

Then as Itachi drives the police van away from the school, Akamaru happens to spot the van and chased after it. Meanwhile, in the back of the van...

_Asuma: "Does anyone want to play Monopoly? Oh, we don't have a board. Wait, here's one."_

* * *

Back in the Library, Anko filled her mouth with few golf balls. She then look at the library's new copy of _**World Guinness Book of Records 2007**_ as Anko places the last golf ball in her mouth, she looked like she silently cheered, beating the previous record in the book.

**End of Episode 4: Social Intercourse**


	5. School Play

"It's a school play, Gai," Tsunade said as she tossed a file on the staff meeting table. "No one is going to pay 1500 Ryou to see it!"

"But they will," said Gai. "**Cats** is a very good play and lasted for almost 15 years on Broadway..."

"This is not **Cats** you're staging, Gai," Tsunade explained. "This is a tedious 5-hour school play written by you.

"I had to sell my car and second flat to finance this play. I need to recover costs."

Tsunade shakes her head. "That's highly unlikely since you barred parents and friends from attending."

"I wanted a genuine and impartial audience reaction, Tsunade," Gai explains.

Tsunade shakes her head. "I will say it again. No one in their right minds would pay 1500 Ryou. I want you to slash those prices."

Tsunade leaves and Asuma enters the staff room holding his wallet.

"Here's 1500 Ryou for a ticket to your play. Can't wait to see it." Asuma hands Gai the money.

Then Gai suddenly adds, "There's also a booking fee of 300 Ryou."

"Sure." Asuma gives Gai the 300 Ryou. "I know it's not for another 10 months, but I'm really looking forward to it because your last play was crap." Asuma snaps his fingers. "Do you know what you should do for a School Production? A musical version of _**Grease**_."

Gai gave an odd look at Asuma. "I thought that was already a musical?" said Gai.

"You're thinking of _**Grease 2**_," Asuma said.

* * *

**Konoha High: Forever Up, Sitting Down**

_Episode 5: School Play_

By PikaFlash

Disclaimers: All characters, cast, crew and any ideas in this fic belong to their respective owners...

* * *

At the Staff Room meeting, Tsunade, Shizune, Anko, Iruka, Yamato, Asuma and Gai are at the table.

"Yesterday's agenda was _**'Hedonistic Consumerism'**_. Today's agenda will be about _**'The School's Enormous Financial Cutbacks'**_. Shizune?"

Shizune reads her file. "Firstly, Asuma. It will be a couple of months before you will be getting new monitors for the School Computers."

Asuma simply shrugged. "Well, who cares? The monitor is just there to be a guide on a computer. As long as there's a keyboard and I don't know what the students would be seeing if they had monitors, I'm fine with it."

Shizune looks at Yamato. "Yamato, you won't be getting any new sporting equipment for the rest of the year."

Yamato sighs. "Well, the students are tired of pole vaulting without a mat. I mean, from that height, landing on the asphalt would feel like landing on concrete."

Shizune looks at Iruka. "And Iruka, the upgrades for the Science Lab won't happen this decade."

Iruka crossed his arms. "Well, it was unfortunate that we had to sell the Science Refrigerator. We were thinking of making ice as an experiment. But I guess boiling water is the closest thing now."

Anko looks at Tsunade. "When will I receive my fully-qualified Librarian assistant, Tsunade?"

"What's wrong with the assistants you were given?" Tsunade asked. "I think your foul temper and territorial instincts scared them away..."

"You have been giving me halfwit after halfwit. And the last 2 were illiterate," Anko said. "Don't you see the irony of having an illiterate librarian?"

Asuma raised his hand. "I do. I can spot an Irony from a mile away, since I went to Irony Competitions as a kid."

"I'm assuming that there are no cutbacks in the drama department?" Gai asks.

"What a stupid question." said Tsunade. "First, the school play will move from the school hall to the drama classroom."

"Why?" Gai asks.

"The roof of the School Hall has asbestos needed to be removed and in some places, put in," Tsunade explains.

"But that's insane," Gai said. "This play took me 5 years to write it. There's no time for me to change the scenery from the school hall to the classroom! The curtains have to go up in 10 months time."

"Oh, and the play has been brought forward to tomorrow afternoon," adds Tsunade.

Asuma suddenly laughed. "Oh! The irony!"

* * *

Outside the closed gates of Konoha High, a man wearing purple goggles is watching Shizune holding a cup of coffee and she threw a ball back to a student.

"Yeah, throw that ball, just like the way you threw away our love," said the man.

Shizune waves to the student goodbye...

"Yeah, say goodbye to your students like you said goodbye to our passion."

Shizune sips her coffee.

"Yeah, sip your coffee, like you sipped out our...sipping."

Shizune walks back to the school.

* * *

In Tsunade's office, Gai is sitting across Tsunade's desk. He puts the script onto Tsunade's desk.

"I knew it," said Gai. "You never appreciated my work because it's too raw for you. I think you have a conflict of interests."

"Actually, I have a lack of interest," corrects Tsunade, crossing her arms.

"There's no way it can be ready by tomorrow. Anton's soothing speech needs 9 months to be rehearsed."

"This isn't a school play you're producing for the students," said Tsunade. "It is a Star Vehicle for you.'

Gai is shocked at the accusation. "That is an outrageous lie," Gai said. "You're just saying that because I cast myself in the lead. Only I can perform Anton's final speech with the passion and feel it."

Kakashi suddenly enters the office. "Sorry to barge in like this, Boss..."

"Kakashi, why aren't you teaching **Driver's Ed**?" Tsunade asks.

"Oh, **Driver's Ed**, thanks for reminding me, boss." Kakashi was about to leave, when he remembers why he is going to the Principal's office. "Well, this is about **Driver's Ed**. I don't know how it happened, but the car's been stolen."

"Didn't you lock the car last week?" Tsunade asks.

"I doubt it; since it would make me look it will make me obsessive-compulsive. I mean, I don't usually comb my hair 58 times a day and know which way I put my mask on," Kakashi said.

"Then this is coming out of your pay, Kakashi," said Tsunade. "And maybe Anko's pay. For the time being, you'll have to use another's staff member's car."

"I don't think there are any," said Kakashi. "There's none in the car park."

Tsunade looks at Kakashi. "You mean to say that none of the other teachers drove a car to school today?"

"I rode my bike," said Kakashi.

"I came by Cab," said Gai.

Tsunade shrugged. "I rode a Horse."

* * *

At Driver's Ed, Kakashi addresses his students.

"Ok, kids, welcome to today's Driver's Education class. Now, everything's all normal except that we're not using a car."

As Kakashi and the Students walk to the car park, Pikachu is waiting on his ride-on Lawnmower. Kakashi gives the thumbs up, Pikachu replies with a thumbs up as he starts his lawnmower.

Pikachu demonstrates his driving skills by driving around a few witches' cones. Pikachu then does a U-Turn around the final cone. As he drives along, he picks up a saber waiting on the grass. Pikachu then drives up to a sandbag and stabs the sandbag with the saber.

Kakashi and the Students applauded as Pikachu finishes the demonstration. Once Pikachu stops his lawnmower, he pulls Sasuke from the group and pushed him on onto the lawnmower...

* * *

In Tsunade's office, Iruka wraps a blanket around a distressed Gai.

"I saw him lying on the floor in front of his class in the fetal position," said Iruka. "I didn't recognize the fetal position at first, but when I walked back half an hour later, he was still in the fetal position."

Tsunade looks at Gai. "And you brought him here?"

Iruka shakes his head. "No, Tsunade. I still haven't recognized the fetal position. It's amazing that I haven't recognized the fetal position even though I have been in it most of the time myself. The only time I wasn't in the fetal position is when I was in the womb, bolt upright with hands on hips."

"Tsunade, the play cannot go on..." Gai said, shaking under the blanket. "I cannot compromise my vision, so there will be no play."

"Unfortunately, by law, every school must produce some kind of long winded play per year," Tsunade explains.

"Then, I won't be a part of it," said Gai.

"I knew this was going to happen so I had another teacher to take over the play from you."

Gai stands up. "Who? Who dares to take control of my play?"

Asuma enters the office. "Got the script, Tsunade?" Asuma picks up the script. "Quite chunky. Probably needs a bit of editing. What a pissy opening..."

"The opening is fine," said Gai. "Not one word can be removed or the play will collapse like a house of cards..."

Asuma smiled. "That is a very interesting analogy. But here's another one. You should remove some words like blackheads off a nose!"

Asuma looks at Tsunade. "I mean I never even directed a play and I just took over one from someone who directed one since he was 3. Bang! Another irony! I'm on a roll!"

"This is insane," Gai said. "Asuma can't handle this huge theatrical challenge."

Tsunade nods. "You're quite right, so, he's going to have an assistant."

Yamato enters the room. "Got the script?"

Asuma nods. "Yep..."

Yamato reads the script. "What a pissy opening..."

As Yamato and Asuma left the room, Gai laid himself onto Tsunade's desk in the fetal position, knowing that his work of art will be completely destroyed by Asuma and Yamato.

"Look! Fetal position!" said Iruka, pointing at Gai.

* * *

A still shaking Gai was brought to Anko's library by Tsunade...

"No, I want a proper fully-qualified librarian as my assistant," said Anko. "I am sick of you giving me men in green tights on the point of breakdown."

"I do admit that Gai is having a few problems right now and he's wearing green tights, but I'm sure he'll be of great help to you," Tsunade said.

Gai drops some books from his shaking hands.

"Well, he is literate," said Tsunade.

Anko's glares at Tsunade. "He better be."

* * *

At the Drama Classroom where Gai's play is about to be set, Asuma and Yamato were reading the script and Asuma tears a page out.

"Ok, Mr. Yamato and I have been given creative control of this play. So to see where you are up to, let me see your opening positions and we'll run through the first scene. And Action!"

The Students on stage does their opening poses and Shikamaru took 2 steps forward and puts his left arm out. It was then Asuma stops everything.

"CUT! That's filthy! There's no laugh. No sexual tension or release. There's no irony. There's no fluff! Look, it's not your fault because you are innocent victims of shocking writing and directing. What do you think, Yamato?"

Yamato has his hand on his chin. "Filthy," he said.

Asuma nods. Then Asuma points at Shikamaru. "And you, why did you take 2 steps forward? That's was shameless scene stealing! You're out of the play!"

Shikamaru walks out of the drama room, confused at what's going on.

Asuma looks at Yamato. "He just made a meal out of a light snack."

* * *

In the Hallway, Shizune is talking to Iruka. "I heard from the students that Gai is having a nervous breakdown."

Iruka laughs. "I wonder how these students blow everything out of proportion, but they're right. Gai is suffering from a nervous breakdown."

Then Shizune saw a guy wearing goggles running off as Kakashi just entered the hallway.

"Kakashi, did you see a man with goggles?" asks Shizune.

Kakashi nods. "Yeah, I did see a few. I think they might be some Solid Snake wannabes."

"I mean the one with purple goggles," corrects Shizune.

"Oh. Well, I did see him, so I went up to him and said, _'What do you think you're doing?'_"

Shizune nods. "And?"

"He said that he was loitering around unlawfully and has an extensive criminal record," Kakashi said. "But he felt a bit awkward about it, so I left him alone."

* * *

The next day at the Library, Gai was licking empty envelopes and Anko was checking her computer. She then looks up to Gai.

"Gai, those envelopes are empty..."

Gai sighs and stops licking the envelope he is holding. "I don't know why Tsunade took my play away from me?"

Anko nods. "I understand what you mean; I have felt the touch of Tsunade's cold fingers, taking everything that is so dear to you. I got a close look at them and there's no blood in them." Anko then puts her hand on Gai's shoulder. "Look, Gai, I don't normally give advice or help people with their personal problems..."

Then Anko walks away into the backroom.

* * *

In the Drama Classroom, Asuma announced his changes to the script to the students.

"Ok, this play is no longer takes place in the 16th century Russia but in the world of Pirates, followed by 1978 New York. And instead of the Cossacks, you're Pirate Shepherds smuggling sheep from Bethlehem to New York. The Ball in the final scene has not been cut, but we have gotten rid of Anton's crappy speech. Now let's have a vocal warm up."

Asuma breathes in and does a very high pitched scream.

* * *

Meanwhile, Shizune and Iruka are in Tsunade's office.

"Tsunade, that man is still here this morning. Aren't you going to call the police to get rid of him?" asks Shizune.

Tsunade crossed her arms. "Well, he hasn't harassed anyone, stolen anything or even littered."

Shizune is surprised at Tsunade's lack of action. "What am I suppose to do? Wait until he physically attacks someone?"

Tsunade smiled. "You're answering your own questions..." Shizune rolled her eyes.

Kakashi enters the office. "Sorry to barge in like this boss, but do you have a coat hanger? Pikachu locked his keys in the Lawnmower..."

Shizune looks up at Kakashi. "Kakashi, is the man with the goggles still out there?"

Kakashi points outside. "You mean Genma? Yeah, he's looking pretty good. Probably does a bit of Cardio."

Iruka couldn't take it anymore. "That's it, I can't take it anymore. I'm going out there to make him go away. I am good of helping people. Come on, Kakashi."

* * *

In the carpark, Pikachu was preparing for another Driver's Ed class when he saw Genma at the closed gates and waved at him.

Genma's jaw dropped. Then, Pikachu stops waving. At that moment, Iruka and Kakashi walked up to the gates in front of Genma...

"You must be Genma," said Iruka. "You have been making a few people uncomfortable and we've in the staff room getting some ideas to tell you to please go away."

"I'm not going to do that and what are you going to do? Go back and get more ideas," Genma suggested.

Iruka smirked. "Don't push me, Genma; I'm holding a beaker of freshly boiled water..." Iruka's gloved hand was holding a beaker of boiled water."...don't make me throw it at you."

Genma glares at Iruka. "I have been watching you all week, Spanky, and knowing you, you don't have the balls to throw that thing."

Iruka looks at the beaker of boiled water. "You're quite right..." Iruka walks off in shame.

Now it is Kakashi's turn as he steps in.

"I don't want to hurt you Genma; you're a strong-looking man." Kakashi then looks at Genma. "In fact, very strong, where have you been working out?"

Genma is now confused.

* * *

Back in the Drama classroom, Yamato brings in a whiteboard.

"Ok, time for us to listen to Mr. Yamato's tactical session," Asuma announced.

Yamato nods as he spins the whiteboard, revealing a plan of the stage with Hinata, Choji, Sasuke and Neji in reserves. "Kiba, stay behind the props and use them well." Asuma's stick points out Kiba's name and 2 words saying **'props'**. "Ino and Sakura..." Asuma's stick is pointing to Ino and Sakura's names "Do what ever you can from your positions and if Kiba gets into trouble, go and help him out!" yelled Yamato. "And I want more talk!" Asuma points out the word **'More Talk'** underlined. "You're given a script, then use it! And the most important thing. The most important thing is that the only thing that bounces is for you to get to the **FREAKING BALL**!" Asuma points out the word **'The Ball'** underlined with his horsewhip.

* * *

In the Library, Anko just walked out of the Storeroom and Gai was dusting the wall...

"There's nothing else for you to do, Gai. You can go now."

Gai stops dusting. "If you don't mind, I want to stay for your company. There's a very masculine edge that I am attracted to."

"This is the first time anyone asked me, but this is also the first time someone as green as you decided to ask me for my company." Anko takes out two glasses of wine from under her desk. "So, where do you live?"

Gai picks up a glass. "Well, I don't have any fixed address of sexuality..."

* * *

In the Drama Room, parents and students entered the room and got to their seats as Asuma was in front of the stage with Yamato.

"Yamato, the best thing we did is to get rid of Anton's crappy speech and drop the First Act from 2 hours to 30 seconds," Asuma mumbled to Yamato.

Asuma walks to the center of the stage. "Ladies and Gents, there's been a change of title to the play. The play is no longer called _**'Deconstruction of Comrade Anton'**_. So I now present to you, _**'Crackers Malackers'**_."

As the curtain opens up, Sasuke and Sakura were in Disco attire dancing to Disco music...

* * *

During the Intermission, Shizune was getting a drink for herself when Kakashi walks up to her.

"Hey, Shizune. How was the first act? Was there a car chase? Did I miss the car chase?"

"Kakashi, did you get rid of that guy?" asks Shizune.

Kakashi shakes his head. "The way the conversation went, it never came up, but everything else went as planned..."

* * *

Back at the Library, Anko and Gai are holding each other's hands...

"It's funny that the person who's perfect for you ends up being the one who does petty tasks in your library," said Anko.

Gai smiled. "It's clear that we're meant to be." Gai looks down. "I have a feeling that I am about to propose...something that will see us spend the rest of our lives together."

Anko couldn't believe it. It's not even a date and Gai is about to propose to her. "I don't think you got anything other than your play."

Suddenly, the thought of his play has entered Gai's mind. Gai releases Anko's hands. "The play...in my mind, I think of the second act about to start, the ballroom scene. Anton's speech has suddenly been gushing in my mind! I have to be there!"

As Gai was about to leave, Anko stops him.

"What about us?" asks Anko.

Gai looks back at Anko. "Sorry?"

Anko sighs. "I guess it's over. All it took is a reminder of your performance. But it's been a great 5 minutes and it's been the best relationship I've ever been in." Anko smiled. "Now go to your real love. Go to your play."

Gai smiled. "Thank you..." Gai suddenly has forgotten Anko's name.

"Anko," reminded Anko.

Gai nods. "Anko."

* * *

Back at the play...

Kiba, Ino, Hinata and a figure covered in a purple cloak were walking up on stage with some sheep on the stage. Suddenly, the person in the purple cloak suddenly yelled, "Go away! Go away!" The person pushed the three students away and removes his purple cloak, revealing himself to be Genma. "I want to know where's Shizune Dan. All I want to do is to talk to her"

The audience gasped.

Iruka walks up to Genma. "First you have to physically remove me or at least insult me."

Genma grabs Iruka in an armlock. "Ah-ha! Spanky." Then he calls out, "Shizune, unless you want Spanky to get it..."

Tsunade looks at Shizune. "If you don't want to go up there, I'll understand."

Iruka cries out in a pathetic voice. "Help."

Shizune sighs and stood up. "I'm Shizune and who are you?"

Genma removes his purple goggles and the audience gasped. Shizune still doesn't recognize the man. "I still don't know who you are."

"It's me, Shizune, your ex-lover, Genma Shiranui."

It was a name Shizune remembers. "Genma, what makes you think I would recognize you when you would remove your goggles? You used to have spiky hair, purple goggles and a beard."

"Yeah, why would you wear goggles when you used to wear goggles in the first place?" asks Iruka.

Genma looks at Iruka. "Oh, so you think you're some type of goggles expert now?"

Iruka shakes his head. "I wish. There's a lot of money in that."

"What do you want, Genma?" Shizune asks.

Genma looks at Shizune. "For six years, the one thing I have ever wanted is you..."

The audiences went, "Awwww..."

"But now I want you, Spanky," Genma said, looking at his hostage.

"Just remember that I'm quite annoying," Iruka said, knowing that those will be the last words anyone else will hear from him.

Genma was about to take his hostage away when Gai appears by opening a prop window, surprising everyone in the room.

"Stop!" cried Gai. "Your eyes do not deceive you. It is I, Anton." Gai looks at Genma, unsure if he is part of the play or not. "The last I saw of you, you were a short man with a fine short-term memory. And look at you now, half an inch taller, lonely, obsessed and seeking revenge." Gai's mind suddenly went blank, so he looks up to Yamato. "Erm...line?"

Yamato reads the script. "_'Like a goat releases milk'_."

Gai looks back at Genma. "Like a goat releases milk, I call on you to release your captives. You must let everything go. Walk away from your past, for it will make you suffer as surely as..." Gai forgot his lines again, so he looks at Yamato. "Line?"

Yamato reads the script again. "_'Goat releases milk'_."

Gai finishes his speech. "...a goat releases milk."

Genma releases Iruka. "Of course." He looks around. "Why am I here with you...freaks?!" Then, Genma looks at Gai. "But thank you, Anton, thank you for all you have done. You are a true friend."

Genma shakes hands with Gai before walking off, leaving the stage as the audience cheered.

"Now isn't that strange. First he suffers a mental breakdown and quits the show and now he's back up on stage, stealing the show," said Asuma.

Gai received a few thankful kisses from Shizune and Tsunade and Gai's own students are asking for Autographs.

Kakashi agrees. "Yeah, how ironic?"

"What was that?" Asuma asks, not fully listening to Kakashi.

"It's an irony..." Kakashi explains.

Asuma realizes the irony. "Geez, you're right. And its a fat one too. That means the party's all over. For the first time in 15 years, someone has outdone me in catching the irony. I can no longer wear this with any sense or purity!"

Asuma removes his shirt, revealing a T-Shirt underneath reading _**'Under 21's Irony Champion, 1993'**_. Asuma removes the T-Shirt and hands it over to Kakashi before running away to sulk.

"I kinda feel bad for taking his Irony T-shirt," said Kakashi, looking at the T-Shirt.

Yamato walks up to Kakashi. "I don't," Yamato said. "He still got his Irony Underpants on."

* * *

Outside the school, Pikachu was moving the sandbag with the saber piercing through it, he sees Genma walking by. Pikachu salutes to Genma, but Genma isn't sure what Pikachu wants, so he quickly walks past Pikachu to the front gate.

Insulted, Pikachu pulls his saber out of the sandbag...

As Genma passed through the front gates, the sandbag is suddenly lands on Genma's head, knocking him out. Pikachu is standing on the exterior wall of the school compound, where he threw the sandbag from. He gives a farewell salute to Genma. Tsunade happens to be riding by on her horse, giving her farewell salute to Pikachu...

**End of Episode 5: School Play**


	6. Who Let The Girl's Out?

Asuma and Yamato are sitting in Asuma's classroom.

"Ryou if your thoughts, Yamato?" Asuma asks.

Yamato looks up. "Huh?"

"Ryou of your thoughts? It's an old saying..."

"I'll give you two for 100."

"Deal." Asuma hands Yamato the 100 Ryou.

Yamato takes the cash. "Well..."

Asuma stops Yamato. "Let me guess, is it Shizune?"

Yamato shakes his head, so Asuma hands Yamato another 100 Ryou. "No, I was thinking of canned vegetables."

"I thought you still like Shizune?" Asuma said.

Yamato stops Asuma. "I'm over that woman. Just to see my reaction, say something bad about Shizune and I won't react."

"Right," said Asuma. "Shizune's Mom works in **ANBU**."

Yamato shakes his head. "Well, that is true. Shizune's mom is a part-time medic there. But that's alright. Say something else."

"Ok, Shizune wears organic underwear..."

Yamato sighs. "Asuma, that is also true."

* * *

**Konoha High: Forever Up, Sitting Down**

_Episode 6: Who Let the Girls out?_

By PikaFlash

Disclaimers: All characters, cast, crew and any ideas in this fic belong to their respective owners.

**A/N: **Forgive me for the long delay, but there was a convention recently, so I was busy getting ready for that. Anyway, just a note: If you happen to read this fanfic, please review as it helps motivate me to post up the next chapter.

* * *

Pikachu is standing on a ladder, screwing a basketball hoop onto the wall. Tsunade happens to walk up to the hoop, only to see it at her eye level. She then glares at Pikachu.

"Remember my message of not getting any food until you start to think? You better fix that or you'll have to start chewing your gums again tonight."

* * *

In the staff room, the whole gang of teachers is sitting at the meeting table with Donuts. Tsunade enters the room, starting the meeting.

"Ok, now, we're going to talk about the mass exodus of female students from Konoha High. Some moving to other schools, some joining the army reserves and some going to the Congo for the good slice of life. Any ideas why?"

Iruka raised his hand. "I think it I have an explanation on why some of the female nerds are transferring to neighboring schools. Rumors say that images of Jedi Knights have been appearing at West Konoha High. Some staff claimed that they saw Obi Wan and Anakin doing a high five."

Asuma slams his palm onto the table. "Then why don't we beat those Jedi schools at their own game," said Asuma.

"How do you suppose we could do that, Asuma?" Tsunade asks.

"Why not get Copperfield to make a large elephant to float over the sports field?" suggests Asuma.

Tsunade disagrees. "Asuma, the point of a miraculous vision is that it has to be a genuine miracle. What happened at West Konoha is that Anakin appeared took two steps, turned around and disappeared in a flash of light."

As soon as Asuma heard Tsuande's description, he couldn't contain his anger. "He is ripping off Copperfield at his Vegas show!" screamed Asuma.

Gai has a suggestion. "What about if a beautiful, naked Angel suddenly appeared in a poof of smoke in the car park?"

"Then I would say, _'Put your clothes back on, Gai'_," Tsunade replied. "No, I don't think poof and smoke could help us at all. I can't blame them for this latest fall in enrollment."

Shizune is holding a pen. "I think the problem is with education. I mean we discouraged the girls from doing science and maths and push them to poise and correct posture classes."

Tsunade disagrees again. "I think this has more to do with the school lacking some eye candy in the male staff members. I mean the last known eye candy of this school was a certain teacher called Jiraiya who once walked in these hallways."

The other teachers except for Kakashi started to sigh, remembering Jiraiya...

"I took a look at some pictures of him and I say that I can beat him," said Kakashi.

"Well, you would have...if you were here 10 years ago. But time hasn't been kind to you, Kakashi."

Asuma nods. "True. I did see you with some lines on top of your face, a few extra love handles recently and the tendency to talk about Icha Icha Paradise."

"Well, I think some discussion is needed in my office, Kakashi," Tsunade said. "And feel free to bring your love handles..."

* * *

Later in Tsunade's office, Tsunade opens a letter to Kakashi.

"I have received a letter from one of the girls at the school," Tsunade said and she reads the letter. "_Dear Miss Tsunade, I have decided to leave Konoha High because of the lack of male eye candy. Sincerely, Temari_"

"Temari isn't a student of this school," said Kakashi. "She's the exchange student working at the cafeteria!"

"Whatever," Tsunade said. "But the point is that do you notice that people aren't finding you sexy? It is important that we must at least have one good-looking guy among the staff to be seen as a horn bag. Stand up, Kakashi."

Kakashi stands up.

"Turn around..."

Kakashi turns around for Tsunade to have a good look.

"Nope, I'm not even slightly aroused, so you better do something to improve yourself or you may need to find some alternative employment."

* * *

In the staff room, Shizune sits next to Anko and Gai...

"I think that this school lacks subjects for girls. I mean, the current ones we have are demeaning to girls, forcing them to bow to the men."

Anko nods. "Well, I was once a student of this school and I dreamed of being a Secret Agent or a supermodel or a secret supermodel but they say I'm female and I have to do female subjects like _Female Intuition_..."

Gai sits up. "Sisters, we must rise up and form a women's group."

"A women's group? That's an excellent idea, we can start the first meeting later today," said Shizune, excited of the prospect of voicing out women's rights at the school.

"I'll see you there," said Gai.

"Gai, you can't go," said Anko. "You teach all of the girly subjects at school like Drama and Doll House designing. And there's also the factor of your external reproductive tool."

Gai hides the lower half of his body. "But I keep it in a pouch in my unisex underwear..."

* * *

Kakashi is in the hallway speaking on his cell phone.

"Hey, Mimi, Kakashi Hatake here, how you're doing. Just to confirm tonight I'll pick you up at 8pm? What? But you never let your political views get in your way...I see, I won't pressure you. And give my regards to the President."

* * *

Anko, Shizune and Gai placed up a poster reading _'Wymin's Group meeting at 2pm, no BOYS!'_

"What's all this, putting up a poster?" Yamato asks.

Shizune looks at Yamato. "We're campaigning for giving more relevant subjects for girls."

"What do you mean?" asked Asuma. He then shows a list of girl subjects. "There's cooking, cleaning things up, wearing nice hats and skipping around merrily."

"Those have been taught for a long time," Anko said. "Except for wearing hats. That only came last term. It's teaching girls to be tame..."

"That's why we have the sports department, Anko," said Yamato. "Sending girls to play elastics and _'paddy cake, paddy cake'_."

"Would you teach those games to boys?" Shizune asks.

"Only the girly boys," answered Yamato.

"Yamato, your outdated attitude and haircut is the reason why we're here," Shizune said. "To lobby for new subjects, to lobby for new sports and to lobby for a new more feminine lobby."

"And some Big R Tom-toms," adds Gai.

Yamato looks at the poster. "If you're thinking about new subjects, you might put in Spelling because that's not how you spell _'women'_," said Yamato, pointing at the word _**'wymin'**_ on the poster.

"That was deliberate because the spelling for _**'W-o-m-e-n'**_ contains the word _'men'_," retorts Shizune.

Once Shizune, Anko and Gai walked off, Yamato looks at Asuma.

"Before you know it, big muscular girls will come in and scare away the boys with big hairy armpits," said Yamato.

Asuma snaps his fingers. "Well then, why not beat them at their own game? Starting we start our own club just for the boys. We'll call it the _'Men's club'_!"

Yamato nods in agreement. "Good idea. Do you know why it's good? Because it doesn't contained the word, _'Wymin'_. Just to show who wears the pants around here..."

* * *

Shizune has been called into Tsunade's office.

Tsunade asks, "Shizune, why are you putting up posters up around the school? I don't recall giving you poster clearance."

"Tsunade, I believe I know why the girls are leaving," Shizune said. "They are insulted by the lack of girl subjects and the school's sexist approach. Even the toilets are labeled **'Men'** and **'Non-Men'**..."

"I have that matter under control and I placed Kakashi in charged of that," Tsunade explains.

Shizune is shocked. "Kakashi? It's the system that should be changed!"

Tsunade crossed her arms. "Why didn't you say so instead of causing this rebel uprising?"

"Then will you change the system?" asked Shizune.

Tsunade kept a stern face. "No, and I won't even change my facial expression..."

* * *

Once Anko has left the staff room, Kakashi looks up and puts on nodes for a portable massager on his chest and abdominal area. He starts up the device and he could feel his abdominal and chest muscles tensing up. Kakashi smiled.

"This is going to keep me pumped up all day long! Maybe I should step up a little bit." Kakashi increases the speed of the device...

* * *

Later in Kakashi's class, Kakashi's body is reacting rapidly to the massager, causing his speech to stutter.

"...by copy-ing down the b-b-back of your en-glish books. D-don't Wor-ry if you get dist-racted by a chinky hunk of a teach-er standing there in fro-nt of you. Its al-right if you want to stay th-ere and st-aring at me. I-its ok, I-I'll be happy to a-ac-commidate for that."

Both Ino and Sakura quickly packed their books and left Kakashi's class, traumatized at Kakashi's random muscle spasms...

* * *

Pikachu finally set the basketball hoop at the correct height. Shikamaru and Choji happened to walk by with a basketball, so Shikamaru tossed the basketball onto the hoop, only to find that the ball couldn't fit through the hoop.

* * *

Kakashi enters the staff room to see Yamato and Asuma rearranging the furniture.

"Some weird thing has been happening. A girl I'm with told me on the phone that she couldn't go out with me because she's getting married!" said Kakashi. "And the boss is finding me less desirable. Your thoughts?

Yamato and Asuma looked at each other. Then Yamato said, "Well, we're both extremely heterosexual and we're not the guys you're asking or sleeping with."

"But Yamato, I was able to sense your awkwardness," said Kakashi. "I mean we've changed in front of each other."

Yamato sighs. "Kakashi, it was summer and there was wrestling and stuff on TV, not to mention the drinks and you can guess the rest, but I haven't found you attractive for quite some time."

Kakashi looks at Asuma. "What about you, Asuma?"

Asuma raised his hands. "Kakashi, I'm a happily married man. A wife with a kid and a monkey. No wait, a wife with two kids...well, I'm not familiar with the details but I do know that I have a monkey!"

"But does any of them find me desirable?" asked Kakashi.

"I can't say for monkey or my kid. But my wife, Kurenai, does and she has sent you many letters, in fact, she asked me to give you this."

Asuma gives the letter to Kakashi. "Thanks." Kakashi reads the letter. "_'Dear Kakashi, I'm no longer finding you desirable.'_ What the hell?"

"I think you are losing your mojo," said Asuma.

Tsunade enters the staff room.

"Kakashi, I have a few shaken girls in my office about some convulsing tick you have developed. Ticks are not going to help in bringing girls to the school, unlike Jiraiya's awesome hairstyle." Tsunade sighs as she remembers Jiraiya.

The Digital School bell signaled the end of the period...

* * *

In Gai's Drama classroom, the blackboard reads: _**'Wymin's Group: No Boys!'**_

"Welcome sisters, to the Konoha High's first _'Wymin's Group'_," announced Gai.

The female students nod. Shizune picks up a list. "I shall read the agenda of this meeting..."

"And I shall interpret these words with this tom-tom." Gai picks up a drum.

Shizune reads her list. "**Item no. 1:** What subjects must be deleted from this school's system?"

Gai hits the tom-toms in a fashion...

"**Item no. 2:** What subjects must be added to the system?"

Gai hits the tom-toms again while dancing around the room...

* * *

In the staff room, the male students are rearranging the room with Yamato, Asuma and Iruka in the middle.

Asuma looks at Iruka. "So, Iruka, are you staying for the Men's club?"

"I with I could stay, Asuma," said Iruka. "But I have been to these men bonding sessions only to get punched in the gut. It stings for a while but **I LOVE IT!** I'm staying." Iruka puts his bag on his cabinet.

Yamato walks up to the front the room and address the male students, consisting of Shikamaru, Choji, Sasuke, Neji, Kiba and Naruto.

"Men, the first rule of the Men's Club is that you must not tell anyone about the Men's Club!" Yamato yelled. "The second rule of the Men's Club is that **YOU MUST ALWAYS WEAR A SMILE ON YOUR DIAL!**"

The 6 male Students started to nervously smile towards Yamato's glare.

Yamato nods. "Alright, who dares to punch my face? Come on"

The students are eager to land their fist into Yamato's face, but Asuma settles the boys down first.

"Alright, settle down!" Asuma yelled. "We will all get a chance to punch Mr. Yamato in the face. But first, we'll punch Mr. Umino in the guts!"

"Yeah...what?" Iruka suddenly realized what Asuma has said. Asuma lands the first punch onto Iruka's gut. Yamato walks up to Iruka.

"You alright?" asks Yamato.

Iruka nods. "Terrific."

"Good." Yamato punches Iruka in the guts, followed by Shikamaru...

* * *

Back with the Wymin's Group.

"Any new sports?" asks Shizune, but before the girls could think up of anything, Gai plays his tom-toms again, distracting the girls' thoughts.

Shizune stops Gai. "Excuse me Gai; I think your tom-toms are distracting the girls from thinking..."

"I disagree. Surely that the soundscape can create creativity," Gai explains. "I will continue to play until someone is inspired."

Anko raised her hand. "Volleyball, that's a sport," said Anko. She then looks at Gai. "Now shut up."

Shizune smiled. "Well done, Anko, these girls have never got the chance to play volleyball, now lets get out there and volley that ball."

* * *

Back in the staff room, Asuma, Yamato and Iruka were shirtless. All three of them sweating, with Iruka sweating the most after getting punched by everyone else.

"Ok, after that punching, I felt like I haven't felt like a man in ages," said Yamato.

"YEAH!" Asuma cries out. "Now what is the toughest sport you want to play at Konoha High?"

The male students have no idea.

"Come on. We shouldn't prompt you," said Yamato. "Prompting has a feminine edge to it. What is the toughest and most masculine sport you want to play?"

"The answer is of course is Tunnel Ball!" said Asuma "A bunch of men lined up in front of each other passing balls under their legs."

Yamato stops Asuma. "I was thinking more of American football. Grid Iron, with men in padded uniform chucking the pigskin and why doesn't the school allow it? It's because Grid Iron is a violent sport as you could get Brain Damage! Well you can get brain damage from chewing on cheese!"

Asuma at the boys. "Now do you want to go out and play Grid Iron or do we stay here and punch Mr. Umino in the gut?"

"Punch me in the gut," said Iruka. "Punch me in the gut."

Yamato answered for the boys. "I say Grid Iron!"

Asuma nods. "Me too, but first, we punch Mr. Umino in the gut!"

Asuma and Yamato punched Iruka and the other boys joined in.

"I love it!" Iruka screams as he felt each punch.

* * *

Kakashi is at the South Wall on his phone.

"Come on, Usagi, why are you using the married excused? Just tell me what everyone is hinting to me. There's someone else, right?"

Kakashi's call has ended as the other end has hung up. "Usagi?"

Pikachu was sweating and decided to twist his towel only to land some sweat on Kakashi. Luckily for Pikachu, Kakashi is unaware of the pouring Pikachu sweat.

* * *

In the sports field, the girls and Gai were playing Volleyball. Suddenly, Sakura suddenly knocked the ball too high and it landed near the boys wearing Grid Iron gear. Asuma kicks the volleyball away and the males walk up to the volleyball net.

"And what would that be?" Yamato asks, pointing at the Volleyball net.

"It's a volleyball net and we are volleying the ball," Shizune explains.

Asuma looks at the male students and teachers with him. "Well, we boys are here to play Grid Iron!"

"YEAH!" cried the males.

Gai points his drumstick at Asuma. "Don't intimidate us..." Gai plays his drum to raise female morale. "Wymin!"

"YEAH!" cried the females.

Yamato looked at the males. "Men, let's intimidate them."

"YEAH!" cried the males.

Gai hits his drum as though it is a war drum. Anko volleyed the ball and then Asuma threw the pigskin at Anko. The moment Anko caught the pigskin, Asuma and the boys charged through the net and knocked Anko down to take the pigskin. Then Asuma passed the pigskin under their legs of the other male students.

"No, Asuma, not tunnel ball!" Yamato screamed. "Passing balls under your legs is a girl's game!" He then removed his helmet and threw it on the grass.

Gai was tied around the nets by the other boys while playing his drums.

Iruka removes his helmet. "Come on, beat me up, beat me up!" yelled Iruka as he began to hit himself.

Shizune stands behind Yamato. "Come on, Yamato; give me your best shot."

Yamato attempts to tackle Shizune but Shizune dodged and Anko used a tennis racket and smacks Yamato from behind.

Shizune looks at Anko. "Nice shot, Anko."

Iruka beats himself up to the point that he falls on his back.

Asuma runs with the pigskin, but Shizune lands a punch straight at Asuma's chest, knocking him down.

"STACKS ON THE MALES!" screamed Shizune.

Suddenly, the guys jumped on Asuma forming a pile...

* * *

Kakashi walks into Tsunade's office, exhausted and depressed.

"I had it Boss," said Kakashi. "I want a couple of months off..."

Tsunade smiled. "It's the right thing to do, Kakashi. Some more female students have left today. So I have decided to hire a legitimate horn bag. Jiraiya will be in shortly to turn the tide by returning to the school."

Kakashi could not contain his rage over Jiraiya. "Jiraiya...I still reckon I could take him on."

Tsunade looks at Kakashi's current condition. "Not in your current state. You're all messed up and sweaty...and take a vacation. You are welcome to come back when you regain whatever that is lost." Tsunade walks to the door and opens it. As Kakashi is about to leave the room, Tsunade sniffs Kakashi body odor. She pulls Kakashi back in.

"You smell incredible! That manly, knee bending smell is somehow giving you raw power. It's the very thing we need to turn the tide," said Tsunade. "Quickly, go into the School Community and make them swoon like you made me drool..."

Kakashi smiled and nods. "Sure, boss."

As Kakashi leaves, Tsunade follows him...

* * *

Back in the field, the Gai was walking around, still tied up in the net.

"Shouldn't we all reconsider on being back together?" Gai asks around.

Shizune is strangling Asuma. "Sorry, but nothing can bring us back together!" screamed Shizune.

Asuma got out of Shizune's grasp and Asuma choked Shizune with one arm. "She's right, there's nothing that could bring us together." Suddenly, Asuma sniffs the air" What is that delicious smell? That's yum."

Everyone else stopped fighting and sniffed the scent.

"Whatever it is, it's all man," said Shizune. "I just want to take all my clothes off."

Gai looks towards the school. "If you let me out, all nude up..."

"That is one very sexy smell," said Iruka. "It may be the thing to being us back together."

"I have forgotten what we have been fighting about," said Yamato. "And whether or not I'm gay."

"There he is," said Anko.

Kakashi arrives on the sports field, wearing his portable massager. Kakashi increases the speed of his massager and raised his arms, showing that he is now the school's savior

"Thank you, Kakashi...for bring us all back together," said Iruka.

Everyone cheered as they hugged each other, except for Iruka, who has no one to hug. So, Iruka walks away.

Tsunade saw the group in a cheerful mood and smiled. Kakashi has saved the school.

Jiraiya arrives and sees the group cheering for Kakashi. Jiraiya sighs. It looks like he is not needed there anymore of everyone is now swooning for Kakashi.

Iruka walks towards the South Wall and sat on a bench. He looks up saw Pikachu cooling himself with a white towel under the basketball hoop with the sunlight behind him.

"Oh my god."

Iruka runs off to look for Tsunade.

* * *

At the entrance of Konoha High, Tsunade is welcoming female students back to the school.

"Welcome back," greets Tsunade. Iruka walks up to Tsunade. "Are you alright, Iruka?"

Iruka slowly catches his breath. "Tsunade, I saw...an Angel..."

"An angel?" asks Tsunade. "Well, tell her to go away, because we don't need anymore visiting angels since enrollments have picked up. And wipe your nose..."

Iruka walks off Tsunade continues to greet returning and new female students.

* * *

Back at the school field, Asuma and Yamato were standing next to a magician.

Asuma looks at the magician. "Well, do your job, Copperfield."

Copperfield does his trick and made Elephant appear out of nowhere, flying over the field.

**End of 06: Who Let the Girls out?**


	7. Iruka's Story

In the Staff room, Iruka is reading the newspapers, Shizune is reading a pamphlet and Yamato is reading his checklist. Then, Asuma enters the room with a six-pack. "Hey, Yamato, want to go for a drinking session?"

Yamato shakes his head. "Not today, Asuma."

Asuma puts his hand on Yamato's shoulder. "Look, it has been a tradition since last week, even though I missed the first one."

"Ok. I'm on edge, but I'll be there," said Yamato. "It's just that I'm nervous about today's soccer match."

Asuma nods. "I know, I know. If there's any consolation, I haven't touched a drop all day."

"That's the problem with this staff. Everyone should not touch the drink until the time is right. I mean, look at Shizune." Yamato points at Shizune talking to Iruka. "She doesn't know what is at stake here."

"Everything's at stake here, a place in the finals is one and next is the school's reputation is on the line and not to mention...**gulp**." Asuma is interrupted when he swallowed a large amount of air by accident.

"Oh, come on, you're a good friend, Asuma." Yamato helps Asuma out of the Staff room.

* * *

**Konoha High: Forever Up, Sitting Down**

_Episode 7: Iruka's Story_

By PikaFlash

Disclaimers: All characters, cast, crew and any ideas in this fic belong to their respective owners...this fic is inspired by the new Australian comedy, Sit down Shut up...

* * *

Iruka enters Tsunade's office and sits in front of her desk.

"Tsunade, I'm sorry to barge in like this, but I would say that in your best interests that you should find a new science and math teacher. Someone who can start in the next couple of weeks..."

"Can I ask why?" asks Tsunade.

Iruka nods. "Oh, yes, of course. It's a simple reason." Iruka breaths in. "I'm prepared to take my own life. I may do it either at the end of this week or the beginning of next, but once I finish Calculus with the 12th Graders. You see, I find it very hard for me to wake up, roll over and find my wife in the bed with another man."

Tsunade glares at Iruka. "It would have been easier if you had done it two weeks ago!" she said. "We got **'Silly Hat Day'** coming up, the '**40-hour Famine'** this week and next week is '**Gluttony week'**. If you could just put it just at the end of the Term, it would do some good from an administrative point of view."

Iruka nods. "Ok, I'll try..."

* * *

In the staffroom, the teachers were standing around, and Tsunade walks in...

"Alright, Teachers, looks like Principal Fujiyama will be away for another 2 weeks. His mosquito bites is still quite severe, so I'll be continuing as acting principal. Firstly, staff dress standards has a declined in that area..."

Gai prepares to leave the room as he grabs a large prop.

"Not you, Gai," said Tsunade.

Suddenly Kakashi enters the Staffroom in a Cyclist's bodysuit.

"Kakashi, care to explain why you're in that outfit?" Tsunade asks.

"Well, I'm a cyclist and this outfit cuts down in wind resistance," Kakashi explains. "And lately, female resistance too."

Tsunade is annoyed. "But why are you teaching in this, Kakashi?"

Kakashi explains again. "Well, boss, at the end of the day, I want to get home as quick as possible as I have a half-an-hour break during lunch and I thought it's crazy to put the suit on and teach my afternoon classes and ride home at 10 past 3..."

"Kakashi, School doesn't end until **3:30**! If you continue to wear inappropriate attire, you will not only lose your job, but your basic human rights."

Kakashi nods. "Ok. So the bike's alright?"

Tsunade looks at Asuma. "Anyway, Asuma, you have news about the development to the new School Motto?"

Asuma looks up from his list. "Well, I have found a good English Motto which would continue from where our last Korean motto failed. It will bring us to the elite standards...with the help of Kakashi since he's fluent in English. Now we don't want to set unrealistic goals that the students are unable to reach, so, the motto is..."

Kakashi reads the Motto. "**'Accept your Limits, Embrace Failure'**."

After hearing the motto, Gai suddenly have an idea. "I could use that in my drama classes for their vocal warm-up," said Gai.

Anko rolled her eyes. "I think it's pathetic."

Shizune raised her hand. "I was told that the motto would show the School's opposition to plastic bags?"

Asuma smiles and nods. "That's the great thing about it! It's all in there. I heard great English mottos my father has penned and this is the best he has ever penned."

"Isn't there should be a better one?" Anko asked.

Asuma looks at Kakashi. "There was a Chinese one from Kakashi, but was rejected."

"Can we hear it?" asks Shizune.

Asuma reads the motto. "Ok, it says, _**'quanbu kucunpin de qu, shoushi daishou'**_which means **'**_**All stock must go, clearance sale'**_."

Tsunade sighed. "I asked for that to be stricken from the Record."

"But it sounds nice thanks to the rolling of the tongue," said Kakashi.

Tsunade looks at Iruka. "Iruka, what do you think?

Iruka stood up. "Well, I think that after 15 years of marriage, it's reasonable to assume that your wife sleeps like a rampant whore." Iruka paused. "I don't know any other languages for that..."

Tsunade nods. "It's decided then, Pikachu will paint in the new motto. Yamato, you have an announcement, make it short since we're pressed for time and I can see that people are getting disinterested."

Yamato looks around the room. "Well, there is the return of Kiba for the soccer team. As long as I keep those 10th Graders away from him, he will become the best player of the team. He is a freak and must be treated like a puppy."

Anko prepares to leave the room. "Well, I won't be going because I detest sport and I'm off to clean the toilets..."

Suddenly, Tsunade said, "Since Pikachu's painting the school motto on the sign, you will have to be there slicing oranges and cleaning their boots..."

Anko breathes a sigh of relief, getting a cleaner job that the one she is about to do...

"...after you clean the toilets," Tsuande finishes.

Anko groaned.

* * *

Outside the school, Pikachu prepares to paint the new motto on the front sign of Konoha High. Pikachu takes a roller brush with paint and begins to use the roller brush to put the school motto on a very small Konoha High emblem...

* * *

In the hallway, Shizune is giving out the 40-hour famine list to Kakashi.

"Kakashi, here's the list of students that are on the 40-hour famine..."

Kakashi sighs and looks at Shizune. "Shizune, I just want to say that I have broken up with my 4-year relationship with Jun..."

"Oh, I'm so sorry."

Kakashi nods. "Yeah, it just got complicated ever since she found out about my girlfriend. Anyway, that freed up my Monday night and..."

Shizune gives the list to Kakashi. "Kakashi, I don't have time...just take the list."

"You know what, Shizune?" said Kakashi. You wanted to ask me out on a date but you are just a bit nervous...don't worry, just relax..."

"Kakashi, I'm not interested," said Shizune.

Kakashi smiled. "Well, neither am I. But we can make it work..."

Kakashi walks off and then Yamato walk down the stairs. Shizune gives the list to Yamato.

"Yamato, here are the students in the 40-hour famine."

"What? The 40-who?"

"It's a fundraiser for a good cause," Shizune explains. "The students can only eat barley sugar so some of them may be lethargic at certain times."

As soon as Shizune words reach Yamato's ear, Yamato quickly looks at the list of students. "Oh Sweet Pika no...Kiba, you witless moron!"

"What's the problem?" asks Shizune.

Yamato is now furious. "The problem is that today's game is crucial," said Yamato. "Kiba is the only student in Konoha High that has legs the equal length and can kick the ball high and now he's going to be useless," he said.

"It's a worthy cause, Yamato," Shizune explained.

Yamato glared and pointed at Shizune. "You are meddling with powers you cannot possibly comprehend."

* * *

Later, at the change rooms in the Sports Field, the Konoha High's soccer team is doing their warm-ups.

"That's good. Now sit down," said Yamato.

The players sat on the bench.

"Now, I'm going to be honest with you boys, after 7 years of coaching in sport, I have that raw gut feeling that..." Yamato pauses. "...you boys are absolutely going to be trashed today. I understand that since the beginning of the year, you have been going out...only to be trashed. Well today, you are to play soccer like you never played before! Half-decently."

"YEAH!" cheered the players.

Yamato nods. "Now, I am aware that some of you are taking part the 40-hour famine." Yamato now has his evil glare switch on. "If I see any of those boys, and I know who those boys are, Kiba Inuzuka! If any of you get sluggish, get outrunned by your opponent or basically mess things up, I will **HURL**! I cannot accept it! I go out there and **I WILL HURL!**"

Yamato catches his breath after that last outburst. "Now go play some soccer."

The players walk out of the room...

* * *

Back to Pikachu at the signboard, a soccer ball lands next to Pikachu. Choji runs by and picks up the ball but Pikachu splattered paint from his paint roller onto the back of Choji's uniform. Choji looks at Pikachu, but Pikachu holds the paint roller, threatening for more violence with paint to scare the student off...

* * *

At the school hallway, Shizune is talking to Sasuke and Sakura...and Iruka walks to the water cooler...

"I know, Sakura, that you and Sasuke are in a very caring loving relationship and I don't mind that you are intimate at the back of my class as long as it doesn't disturbs anyone." Shizune then lowers her voice. "But Mr. Umino's case is unique and it couldn't be helped if he moved you two away from each other."

Iruka heard his name and decides to move closer to listen.

Shizune continues to whispers. You see, Iruka is has a major marital problem and he's another mid-life crisis. Off you go."

As Sasuke and Sakura walked off, Iruka walks up to Shizune...

"Don't worry, Iruka, the students are very caring and sympathetic," Shizune said with a smile.

Shizune pats her hand on Iruka's shoulders and walks away...

* * *

In Gai's class, the students were breathing slowly with Gai.

"Alright, class, relax," said Gai. The students relaxed. "Thank you for those 3 hours of silence. After lunch, we will be reciting the new English motto, **'Accept your Limits, Embrace Failure'** and it will fill our afternoon classes and the whole of next week..."

* * *

During Lunch break, Iruka is watching the students play a casual game of soccer when Asuma tossed a soccer ball at Iruka...

"So, Iruka, want to watch the kids play soccer at the field?"

Iruka crossed his arms. "The only thing less interest me than soccer are the kids."

Asuma disagrees and points at the kids. "Iruka, those kids are an endless source of energy, joy and vitamin B. You just need to make a connection. Now go have a kick..."

"I don't know," said Iruka.

"Just go for it."

As Iruka walks to the makeshift goalpost, Tsunade walks by holding her Dictaphone...

"Note that Iruka has taken my advice and is looking forward to the end of the semester. I have succeeded where Principal Fujiyama would have certainly failed. Note that my voice is loud and clear."

After Tsunade walks off, Iruka gives a thumbs up to Asuma and then as the soccer ball flies towards Iruka, it hits Iruka in the most sensitive part to all males. Meanwhile, the students laugh at Iruka's mishap...

But Asuma could understand Iruka's pain. "There's is no other way to put it...that ball hit him right in the balls."

* * *

At the soccer match, Yamato and Anko were standing on the field while Asuma just walks up. Lee is pulling his socks up...

"Lee, wait until the ball is away, then you can put your socks up," Yamato suggested.

"Hey, Yamato, sorry I'm late," said Asuma.

Yamato sighs. "At least you're here. Lee! Go for the ball!"

Asuma begins to yell at the referee. "Oh, RUBBISH! Don't you see? Have a look, ref!" The referee runs past Asuma. "THAT'S ALL I'M ASKING! That's all I'm asking! Is it so hard to see?!"

A goal is scored...

"Great!" mumbled Yamato.

"Oh yes!" screamed Asuma. "A goal!"

"No, Asuma, that's not our goal." Yamato shakes his head. He then points at one of his players. "No more own goals, Lee!"

"This is pathetic. I'm going," said Anko. Anko is about to walk off when Yamato stops her.

"You're not going anywhere." Yamato picks up a bucket of Oranges and gives it to Anko. "Get slicing."

The referee blows the whistle for half-time...Anko was dropping a few oranges as the soccer team ran back to the change rooms.

Asuma continues to yell at the referee. "All I'm asking is to just look! Just have a look. Open it up..."

* * *

Back in the staff room, Iruka, still in pain from his previous accident, slowly enters the room. Shizune sees Iruka...

"Iruka, I'm sorry that I was talking about your problems within earshot," said Shizune.

"Well, your apology means nothing to me...but thanks anyway..."

"Iruka, try to talk to the students," Shizune suggested. "Try to connect with the students as some of the seniors have marital problems of their own."

Asuma walks from the shelf to Iruka.

"That's some good advice, Shizune," said Asuma. "But we do know that good advice does Iruka no good, so he needs to be shown upon. So, I will sit in one of his classes."

As Asuma was taking Iruka out of the staffroom...

Asuma whispered to Shizune, "Don't worry; he's in good hands now..."

At Iruka's class.

"Since this is the first time I'm with your class, I will start them off with a joke..." Asuma stands at the teacher's desk to address the students.

"Hello class, I will start off with a quick joke. The other day I was playing baseball when the bat crashed through the window. Get it?"

None of the students got the joke, but Asuma continues.

"Ok, now, I have started off this great class, Iruka can continue from where I left off, Iruka?"

Iruka walks to the desk and puts his folders down. He begins his joke.

"Well, when a great philosopher came up with his famous phrase, he didn't have much confidence in it, so it says, _'I think, therefore I am, I think.'_"

Iruka laughed at his own joke, but silence was the only reaction from the students. Asuma looks at the students.

"You harsh pack of uppity little bastards! This man has given his best ideas and I know his joke was crap and you wanted more of me after I whipped you up in a frenzy. All you gave him is nothing. And this little little man has been pushed over the edge by your reactions!"

Iruka couldn't take it anymore, so he walks to the door. "I guess that's it then."

Iruka leaves the classroom.

* * *

Back to the sign board, Pikachu is only a quarter way through the motto on the emblem when Pikachu suddenly gets hit by the soccer ball. Now Pikachu is mad as he pulls out a knife and punctures the ball. Pikachu holds the knife as Choji takes the punctured ball from Pikachu.

* * *

Yamato enters the staffroom carrying his soccer equipment where Shizune and Anko were doing the crosswords. Shizune sees Yamato and stood up.

"How was soccer, Yamato?" asks Shizune.

"Pretty good," said Yamato. "...considering that half of the team is stricken by famine. You should have been ashamed for yourself and you have ruined the lives of the kids."

"Yamato, I didn't invent the 40-hour famine," said Shizune. "It was run on a voluntary basis."

"THEY WERE PUSH!" Yamato screamed. "They were pushed by someone who wants to rip out the very heart of this school. I hope your friends in hunger land are happy, because back in the real world, the Konoha High soccer team is out of the finals! I hope you can live with that."

As Yamato walks out, Anko and Shizune returned to their crossword puzzle.

"Here's a clue: he has a dickbrain," said Anko.

* * *

Kakashi finishes off his English lesson...

"And that's what Shakespeare meant when he wrote about the 'beasts with two backs'."

The students nod as they wrote their notes.

"I'll see you next week." Kakashi is wearing his cyclist bodysuit and rides off on his bicycle out of the classroom.

* * *

Iruka walks into Tsunade's office.

"Iruka, I'm pleased to see that you were playing with the students. Don't think that your efforts weren't appreciated..."

"Tsunade, I want you to set up an application immediately because I'm going to end it all as soon as possible," said Iruka.

"But you were having a great day today," said Tsunade.

"Let me explain," said Iruka. "Today I have found 2 more things I am a complete failure at: Stand-up comedy and sport. And I have the bruising to prove the latter, so I simply cannot go on..."

"But you have a duty to the students here..."

Iruka interrupts Tsunade. "Wait, are you threatening legal action against me if I kill myself?"

Tsunade shakes her head. "No, I didn't say that..."

"But you are going to," said Iruka.

Tsunade nods. "You have a legal obligation. Iruka, don't kill yourself. You can't afford it."

Iruka sighs. "Well, thanks Tsunade."

* * *

In Asuma's classroom.

"So we've had the glass smashed and I called out, **'TAXI!'** and they all look at me and got the joke." Asuma notices that Yamato is not laughing. "Yamato, I thought you like that joke."

Yamato nods. "Yes, Asuma, it was one of your best and I loved it. It's Shizune. She keeps going on and on about the freaking famine! She sounds like a freaking feminist."

"But you love her, don't you?"

Yamato nods. "She's perfect...so perfect that it makes me want to...hurl. But I only know how to be rude, aggressive and insulting and for whatever reason, it's not working."

"Just tell her, Yamato. You have to be honest with people. If someone's unattractive, I'll just tell him. If someone's not slim as I want them to be, I will open up. Look, if people's kids are ugly, they have the right to know! Just tell her you love her, Yamato. Do it now."

Yamato looks at Asuma. "You're right, I got nothing to lose."

"I disagree," said Asuma. "I mean your future happiness is at stake here...but just do it."

Yamato pats Asuma on the shoulder. "Thanks Asuma..."

Once Yamato leaves Asuma's classroom, Asuma opens a can of beer.

"That was a whole load of BS," said Asuma.

* * *

Yamato walks in the classroom and sees Shizune sitting down. "Shizune."

Shizune stood up from her seat. "Yes, Yamato?"

Yamato couldn't say a word, but Shizune patiently waits. Yamato slowly raised his hand and breathing heavily as he clenches his hand into a fist...and then brought out his middle finger...

"I see," said Shizune.

Yamato walks out of the staffroom.

* * *

Outside the staffroom, Yamato breaths a sigh of relief. At least he gave Shizune an impression about how he felt. He calms himself by breathing slowly. Then, Yamato notices that Shikamaru and Lee are looking at him, so Yamato quickly changes his mood...

"You see what you reduced me to with your incompetent BRAND OF SOCCER!" Yamato angrily walks off leaving a confused Shikamaru and Lee...

**End of 07: Iruka's Story**


	8. First Aid

Yamato and Asuma bust into a messed up staffroom with Kakashi at the table eating his lunch with his lunchbox...

"Kakashi, where's the first-aid kit?" asked Asuma, but Kakashi raised his hand as he eats a sandwich.

"Calm down, Asuma," Kakashi said. "We must always do one thing at a time."

"Kakashi, we've got a student badly injured!" said Yamato.

Kakashi looks at Yamato. "How bad is it? Is it a major artery?"

"In the leg," answered Asuma. "We've bandaged the wound."

Kakashi relaxed. "Well, we have plenty of time. So, what did you do during the weekend, Asuma? Went to the clubs?"

Asuma nods. "Yeah, but the kids complained of the noise. Stupid toddlers."

Shizune enters the staff room.

"Guys, don't you know that we have a student outside who is badly injured?"

Asuma flaps his hand at Shizune. "Don't worry, Yamato and I have it under control."

"Under control? All you just did was stuff a dirty sock to his mouth," said Shizune. "And that isn't where the wound is. And where's the first aid kit? It's not in the sick bay."

"Hang on. We've just asked Kakashi for it," said Asuma.

"So, where is it?" asked Shizune.

Kakashi realized where the first-aid kit is. "Oh, here it is." Kakashi hands Shizune his lunch box, with the words 'First-Aid' on the cover.

* * *

**Konoha High: Forever Up, Sitting Down**

_Episode 8: First-Aid_

_By PikaFlash_

Disclaimers: All characters, cast, crew and any ideas in this fic belong to their respective owners.

* * *

In Tsunade's office, Pikachu was sitting in front of Tsunade's desk.

"Pikachu, this school is a pigsty. It is in a mess and you have left your clothes and tools around everywhere, causing injury to the students. Also, the grass have just reached the height of the student's knees. What is with you?"

Pikachu hands Tsunade a note and Tsunade reads it.

"'_Dear Tsunade, I have been working in this school for 9 to 11 years and I am not liking what this school was 9 years ago. I nearly got burnt in the drought of '98, nearly drown in the flood of '03 and couldn't stand being crush in the earthquake of '05. I believe that the elements aren't helping me.'_"

* * *

In the messy staff meeting with Shizune, Asuma, Iruka, Tsunade, Yamato, Anko and Kakashi, Yamato begins his announcement...

"Tomorrow is the Konoha High Swimming Carnival. This year, our public decency rules has been relaxed, so the students do not need to wear school uniform while swimming in the pool."

Tsunade looks at Asuma. "Asuma, you have got the new names for the school's Sports houses?"

Asuma nods. "Indeed I have, instead of using the name of colors, I have decided to use the names of the first ever exchange students who came to Konoha High and survived. They are Seth Green, Chris Brown, Will Schedt and Sammy Hoare, naming the houses **'Green House'**, **'Brown House'**, **'Schedt House'** and **'Hoare House'**."

The school bell signals the end of the period, the final tone of the bell is suddenly drawn out...

"What is with the bell?" said Iruka. "I'm beginning to think that last tone is getting longer. Isn't anyone going to fix it?"

"The electrician said that he couldn't do anything about it since he'll charge," Tsunade explained.

"Then send Pikachu to fix it," Iruka suggested.

Anko looks at the mess around the room. "After he cleans up this mess, first."

"Pikachu's on strike," Tsunade said.

"Then, get someone else," Anko suggested.

"You do not know how cheap that yellow mouse is," said Tsunade. "Another maintenance worker may be asked to be paid."

"I don't know what's ticking the little guy off," said Asuma.

"Maybe Pikachu needs a little sprinkle of love pepper," Kakashi suggests.

Tsunade frowns. "Well, Kakashi, his demands did not mention a sprinkle of love pepper, but he did demand to see Yamato, Anko and Iruka..."

Shizune stood up. "By the way, I have checked every record and not one of you except for me has got a first-aid certificate. And with the swimming carnival tomorrow and I got somewhere to go tomorrow, so every student is at risk. So, tomorrow, I'm going to give a crash course on first-aid.

Asuma grinned. "Although I don't have my first-aid certificate, I do know a bit of first-aid so I can help you teach. Here's a good medical question, '_What is the best looking muscle in the body?'_"

Suddenly, Kakashi raised his hand and gives his answer. "The Bicep."

"I thought you would say that," said Asuma. "A lot of people said that and you're right, it is the bicep."

* * *

The next day, in the staff room. Asuma, Yamato, Anko, Kakashi, Iruka and Gai were in the middle of last minute first-aid training.

"Wrong. I read about it on Wikipedia last night," said Asuma.

Shizune sighed. "Asuma, when someone sprains an ankle, we first need to apply ice," Shizune explained. "There's no need to amputate."

Asuma shrugged. "Ok, let's just agree to disagree."

Shizune sighed. She continued on. "Ok, I need someone to play the part of the unconscious body."

Gai raised his hand. "I'll play that part. I remember I did this during one of my plays."

Shizune smiled. "Good. Now lie down."

Gai is surprised. "You mean now? But I need to know why he is unconscious and if he is having an affair, how could he do it?"

Shizune looks around. "Ok, can someone else do it?"

Anko raised her hand. "I'll do it."

Gai looks around. "This is madness."

As Anko lay herself on the mat, Shizune asks the next question. "Ok, we found our casualty lying on the ground. How do we know that Anko is still alive from just looking?"

Kakashi was eating some peanuts. "Feel her pulse," Kakashi said as he continued to eat.

"I mean from just looking," Shizune said.

Kakashi continues to eat his nuts. "Actually you didn't, but I'll play along so that you won't lose credibility. Hmmm, I can't tell. Oh my god, is she alright?"

Kakashi is about to check on Anko when Shizune stopped him.

Iruka then points out. "Her chest is moving up and down showing that she's breathing."

Shizune nods. "Well done, Iruka, her chest is moving..."

"Hold it!" yelled Asuma. "This is something that sickens me. We are all adults that are mature enough to use the correct anatomical term which are her '_Heaving Breasts'_."

Shizune sighs. "Chest is fine, thank you, Asuma."

Tsunade walks up to Iruka. "Pikachu is ready for you, Iruka"

* * *

In the messy hallway, Anko stepped over a few of Pikachu's tools when Gai walked up to Anko.

"Anko, I want to congratulate you on your take as the unconscious person."

"I was simply just lying there," said Anko.

Gai nods. "That's why it worked so real. I wish I could be like you. I made me realize that I am not the actor I thought I was."

"Well, a lot of people have been hinting on your lack of real talent," said Anko.

* * *

In Tsunade's office, Pikachu is standing on Tsunade's desk, giving an angry look at Iruka.

"I don't understand," said Iruka. "I have always been nice to Pikachu, I greet him every morning, I help him a bit around the place and I tell him a bit of stories at the end of the day."

Tsunade opens a note and reads it. "He writes, _'I disliked the one they called Iruka Umino. Firstly, I am sick of his morning greetings. Secondly, I am sick of the way he casually puts litter in the bin, completely undermining the work **"I"** do. You don't see me casually solving quadratic equations.'_"

Iruka looks at Pikachu. "Well, that's true; I do see you solve quadratic equations."

Tsunade continues. "_'Finally, I refused to listen to any story about his broken marriage. Like his ex-wife, I would rather not be in his company. I still however want a say on how the children are raised.'_ That last one was a bit over the top, but the main thrust is..."

"I don't want to be annoying and I want this strike to be over, so I'll be quiet," said Iruka meekly.

* * *

In the hallway, Yamato reads a note given to him by Choji.

"'_Dear Mr. Yamato, please excuse my son from swimming because he cannot swim. Mr. Akimichi.'_" Yamato looks at Choji. "Now, I will read this to you the way I read it. _'Dear Mr. Yamato, please excuse our __**pissy gutless**__ son from swimming because he is too __**pissy**__ and __**gutless**__.'_ I don't care! Schedt house will get a point if you jump into that pool!"

Once Choji has walked off, Shizune walks up to Yamato.

"I can't believe you're forcing that student to swim because you want a point for your house," said Shizune.

"Well, all you care about is saving people's lives!" Yamato retorted.

"Yeah, that's what I want."

Yamato smirked. "Too late. You've fell into my trap."

Tsunade walks up to Yamato.

"Pikachu is ready for you."

* * *

In the school courtyard, Naruto, Kiba and Lee were playing soccer when the school bell signals the end of lunch, only to have the last tone extended again, forcing the three Students to cover their ears from the loud tone.

* * *

Yamato enters Tsunade's office

"What's his problem?" Yamato asked Tsunade. Then he looks at Pikachu. "What's your problem?"

"Pikachu has heard about you sending in a professional starter to start the main race," Tsunade explained.

Yamato nods. "Yeah, Deputymon, best starter in the country."

Tsunade sighed. "Pikachu normally starts the main race and he would want to do it again this year."

Yamato raised his arms in disbelief. "Oh, come on! You've seen what he does with his pistol? I mean, when Pikachu starts the race, he gets carried away by firing the pistol throughout the race. This is crazy but we're being held at ransom by a rodent who collects leaves as a job and a hobby."

Tsunade corrects Yamato. "No, Yamato, we are being held ransom by a rodent who does his job for free. Those rodents are extremely hard to come by. Unlike Sports teachers with short temper that are as rare as air."

Yamato gives in. "Ok, Pikachu, you can start the last race, but no pistols."

Suddenly, a Digimon with a pistol for a body enters Tsunade's office.

Yamato then points at Deputymon. "**I WANT A WORD WITH YOU!**" yelled Yamato. He then walks Deputymon out of the office. "Got some bad news, Deputymon."

* * *

In the staffroom, Shizune was showing the teachers on how to do mouth-to-mouth on a manikin.

"And that is how you do mouth-to-mouth...any questions?"

Asuma raised his arm. "Yeah, my question is, 'why do you keep messing everything up?' That is not the right way to do it!"

Shizune is now frustrated with Asuma's outburst. "Ok, maybe you should show us how it's done."

"Alright, stand back." Everyone stood back as Asuma sprayed mouth-freshener. Then, he breaths into the manikin...

Asuma mumbled. "Come on, Bobby, breath."

Asuma continues his mouth-to-mouth on the manikin.

"**COME ON BOBBY, BREATH!"**

Asuma is beginning to be desperate and Shizune noticed the desperation. "I think that's enough Asuma..."

Shizune tries to stop Asuma, but Asuma pushed Shizune's hand away. **"COME ON! THAT'S IT! **I've got to do a Tracheotomy! Give me a knife!"

"Asuma!" Shizune protested. "You're not doing a Tracheotomy! The manikin's not ours and I don't have a knife!"

The bell rings, extending the final tone...

"**DAMN YOU, WOMAN,"** screamed Asuma. Asuma was continuing breathing to/beating the manikin...

"**NO!** You've got more to live, Bobby."

Asuma started to cry, as the flat line tone from the school bell continues, for a minute.

Yamato knows that he has to step in. "It's ok, Asuma...you've did the best you could."

Asuma got up and was about to walk away with Yamato. Then, Shizune looks at Asuma.

"You did well, Asuma," said Shizune.

Asuma prepares to kill Shizune but Yamato held him back...

* * *

In Tsunade's office, it's Anko turn against Pikachu.

"You're our last hurdle in this strike," Tsunade said. "Pikachu says that you are _'unpleasant, arrogant and full of animosity.'_ Is that true?"

Anko nods. "Yes, I did that because I don't like people."

Tsunade looks at Pikachu. "Could you please leave the room for a while, Pikachu?"

Pikachu left Tsunade's office. Then, Tsunade whispers to Anko.

"Do you want to know what Pikachu wants, Anko? A piece of you. I think he likes you."

Anko rolled her eyes. "Pikachu's neither interested in either guys or girls, making him an Asexual."

"But the situation's getting desperate," said Tsunade. "And its crucial that you must either go ask Pikachu out on a date, or go look for another job up north."

Anko knows that this is a situation where she can't win. "Ok, I will only ask Pikachu out for lunch once, and that'll be the end of it." Then, Anko mumbled, "I do not like that dirty little rat..."

"Ok, then I'll tell Pikachu the good news." Tsunade opens the office door, only to find a note stuck there "Oh, Pikachu has left a note."

Tsunade reads the note. "_'Dear Tsunade and Anko, forgive me, I was eavesdropping and am now slightly embarrassed. I am in no way attracted to Anko, though she would agree to go out on a date with me without much arm-twisting. So long as she's nice to me, the strike's is over._

_Yours sincerely,  
__Pikachu_

_PS. I am indeed asexual.'_"

* * *

In the staffroom, Iruka was looking at a checklist.

"Oh, by the way, I forgot to tell you, Gai, with Shizune away, you are acting head of **Brown House**."

Gai sighed as he began to cry. "But I am bad at acting, my confidence has been smashed. Let Anko take my place."

Iruka looks at Gai. "Anko is running **Hoare House**," said Iruka. "Gai, sometimes feeling bad for a long makes you feel good."

Gai stops crying...

At the other side of the staff room, Asuma was sulking when Yamato walk sits next to Asuma.

"You did great during first-aid," said Yamato

"Yamato, what did I do wrong? I felt responsible for someone's death that I feel like I wished I didn't do it or let someone do it. I wish I have another chance to save someone..."

Yamato smiled and pats Asuma on the back. "Well, you'll get your chance. I've got 20 students on my team who can't swim..."

* * *

At the swimming pool, Kakashi is standing in front of Sakura, Ino and Tenten who are wearing two-piece swimsuits...

"I'm sorry girls, but I'm afraid you'll have to put on one-piece bathing suits," Kakashi explained. "Personally, you girls look fine, but the Boss has this thing about public decency and whatever she says goes. So, sorry about that."

As Kakashi turns around, the girls saw that Kakashi was wearing G-string Speedos and started to laugh...

* * *

In the change rooms, Iruka was reading his stopwatch while Asuma is wearing a tracksuit.

"Asuma, there's something about these stopwatches you got," said Iruka. "This is the third world record I've have recorded today..."

Asuma looks at the stopwatches. "Oh, those stopwatches are irregular. You have to add a minute for every third minute."

Yamato is comforting a crying Choji. "Schedt house will get a point if your face touches the water. Ok, so maybe you can't swim, but do you know who else couldn't swim when he was young and went on to be a great swimmer? Big Brother! Yep, good old Bro. So, did you eat earlier?"

Choji nods.

"Well, you shouldn't have, now jump into the pool," Yamato ordered.

As Choji leaves, Yamato looks at Pikachu.

"Like I said, Pikachu. No pistols, so, I brought something else..."

Yamato hands Pikachu an airhorn Can. Pikachu tests the airhorn in front of Yamato's face. Yamato calmly walks to the pool.

* * *

At the pool.

Yamato walks Choji to the starting line.

Pikachu raised the airhorn and starts the race as he pressed the horn.

"Alright, slice it up!" Yamato instructed Choji. "Left, right!"

Pikachu continue pressing the airhorn. Not satisfied with the excitement as he pressed the airhorn, Pikachu then takes out a pistol and fires it into the air, which proves Yamato's reasons why he never wanted Pikachu starting the race in the first place.

Meanwhile, Gai is watching the race, and as everyone was distracted with the race, he makes his move...

Then Choji reached the other end of the pool, he cheered, knowing that he has finally swam for the first time.

Everyone was happy, until Kakashi notices a body wearing green in the water...

"Look, someone's drowning!" yelled Kakashi.

Kakashi removes his T-shirt, but got distracted by showing off his muscles to the female students.

Asuma is next to Anko.

"I'll save him!" said Asuma "Or her." Asuma removes his track suit, to reveal himself wearing a full-body Speedo. As he jumps into the water to reach the body, Yamato looked at his stopwatch.

"Keep going Asuma, you are going to beat a record!"

Asuma continues swimming, completely ignoring Gai as Yamato followed. Being the only other person near Gai, Anko quickly tossed away her stopwatch and jumped straight into the pool to save Gai.

Meanwhile, Asuma reached the end of the pool and cheered. **"YES! YES!"**

Yamato looks at the stopwatch and made his calculation. "Sorry, Asuma, you've let us all down."

"No!" Asuma screamed as he submerges into the water in shame.

* * *

Yamato and Anko carried Gai to the change room.

"What was Gai doing in the water? He wasn't in the race," said Yamato.

"Your classic call for help backfired," Anko explained. "Someone help me revive him."

Pikachu blows the airhorn at Gai's face in an attempt to wake Gai up...but Yamato quickly stopped him.

"Well, Gai doesn't seem to be ok, because his _'heaving breasts'_ aren't moving," Iruka said, pointing at Gai's chest.

Kakashi eats some ice cream. "Remember what Shizune said, we must make him breath again...or maybe not."

Anko checked Gai's mouth. "Something's lodged down his throat..."

Yamato looks at Asuma. "Quick, Asuma, now is your chance to do a Tracheotomy."

"That's right," said Anko

Asuma rolled his eyes. "Well, now this is a change," he said with biting sarcasm. "You want me to do a Tracheotomy. Maybe I don't want to do it and you can all screw yourselves!"

Anko grabs Asuma by the neck. "Cut his throat or I'll cut yours," she threatened.

Now Asuma is worried. "What if I mess up? Luckily, I always bring throat tubing with me."

Asuma takes out a tube and an army knife and opens Gai's shirt...

"I would like to say that he'll make it or he'll survive, but I can't," said Iruka. "Maybe I should get some oil and embalm him..."

As Asuma prepares to make the incision, Gai suddenly catches Asuma's hand and he gets up from the floor.

"There's not need to have oil, my friends, I'm not having trouble breathing and I'm not in danger. However, I am the greatest actor and this is my triumph!"

Gai performs a bow in front of everyone.

* * *

Later, as Pikachu is mopping the floor, when Anko walked out of the showers, wrapped in only a pink towel around her body. Pikachu decides to send a flirtatious look at Anko.

Anko simply smirked. "You had your chance, Sunshine." Anko then walked off to the change rooms.

**[End of Episode 8: First-Aid]**


	9. Radio Show

Iruka walked past Asuma and Kakashi as they were sitting in the staff room with some scripts.

"So, all I was saying it's all in here. What do you think?" Asuma asks.

Kakashi suddenly returns to reality. "Huh? What? Sorry Asuma, were you talking to me just then?"

"Iruka is restarting the School's Lunchtime Radio Station and I need you because you are the only one I know who is experienced in this kind of work and women."

"I don't know. I mean the last time I was working in **RICKY FM**, I got scared of the other Radio DJs that I had to cover the bottom half of my face."

"Look, I got this box filled with an absurd amount of money and I'm giving it to you." Asuma takes out a box filled with money. "The box, not the cash," Asuma added.

"Look, I'm not even sure that I could trust you. For some reason, you could be a radio cowboy," said Kakashi. "Why not we give away free bags and stickers to the students?"

"Ok, why not we ask the students to ring in and tell us their names in 25 or less words?" Asuma suggests.

Kakashi gave Asuma's idea a bit of thought. In less than a second, Kakashi takes the script. "Come to papa."

* * *

**Konoha High: Forever Up, Sitting Down **

_Episode 09: Radio Show_

_By PikaFlash_

Disclaimers: All characters, cast, crew and any ideas in this fic belong to their respective owners.

* * *

Anko walked down some stairs, only to meet Iruka.

"Anko, I've decided to restart the school's radio station and if you could turn back the clock, I need you to be my radio partner again," said Iruka.

Anko crossed her arms. "Not interested, Iruka."

"But Anko, a recent survey shows that 1 in 10 students in this school know our names," Iruka explained. "The school's lunchtime radio can boost our profiles. With Asuma and Kakashi hijacking my idea, I think we can take them on."

"Well, I think being more popular than Asuma sounds real satisfying," said Anko. She then glares at Iruka. "Ok, I'll do it. But I won't forget the last time we were in the radio booth, you dirty man..."

"As I recalled, you were the one who made a sexual gesture on me," said Iruka. "You put your hand on my thigh and I removed it."

"I can still feel your cold, grubby fingers," said Anko as she licked her lips.

* * *

Everyone is waiting for Tsunade to enter the staff room for the Staff Meeting to begin. In the meantime, Kakashi is staring at Shizune's papers on the table.

"So, Shizune, mind if I feign interest in what are you doing?" Kakashi asks.

"Oh, I'm writing speeches for my 12th Graders for the school debating finals against Suna High we are hosting," Shizune answered. "The topic is _'Old people will eventually die.'_"

Kakashi smiled. "Well, I do know a few old people who are alive and in fact, some that are already dead."

Yamato looks at Kakashi. "Well, Shizune isn't the only one with students in the finals against Suna. My Senior Tennis team is in the finals against Suna High as well."

Asuma smiled. "Well Kakashi and I will be commentating on the match. They don't call us the best commentating team in the district."

"Do you plan to commentate our debate as well, Asuma?" asked Shizune.

Asuma laughed. "Well, it's just like commentating on someone yawning!" Yamato and Asuma laughed as they did a high five.

"Now, yawning and tennis," said Asuma. ""Those are two perfect strangers."

Tsunade enters the staff room carrying a box of Cell phones.

"Good news! I've just signed a sponsorship for the financial security of this school in the short term," Tsunade announced as she puts the box on the table.

Yamato looks up. "Oh, sponsorship. Who's dishing out the cash? Hey, not **Big Vivi's Port-Holes**. Those things he has can't be good."

Tsunade shakes her head. "Luckily, no," said Tsunade. "I signed a deal with Zenith Phone Company. With this deal, every student in the school will recieve a Cell Phone that they can use."

"Hang on," said Shizune. "Don't those phones emit 10 times the legal limit of radiation, even when it's not switched on?"

Tsunade smiled at Shizune. "The cancer scare is not proven. Until it is, its safe and we can have the students use the phones with a minimum of 10 times per day."

Asuma looked towards Kakashi. "Maybe we should get opinions from the little bastards. What do you think, Kakashi?"

Kakashi looked as though he's daydreaming when Asuma brought him back to reality. "Sorry, I wasn't listening. I was thinking of Big Vivi's Port-Holes. When I was 14, I once met a girl who is the same age as me over there." Kakashi remembers those days. "Yeah, I was getting it on with her mother."

* * *

In the radio booth, Kakashi and Asuma are preparing to start their radio show at Konoha High.

"Asuma, I have mentally structured the intro of the new show and it feels good over here. And in bed."

* * *

In Tsunade's office, Yamato enters the office with Gai sitting on a chair.

"Hurry up; I've got Tennis coaching to do."

Tsunade looks up to Yamato. "This involves the tennis team. Tomorrow, the 12th Graders are going on an excursion to the Konoha Moth enclosure."

Yamato has a very bad feeling. "Tell me, is Rock Lee going?"

Tsunade nods. "Yep. Also Jirobo, Kidomaru and the blue-haired twins."

"But that's my whole Leftie-backhand team!" screamed Yamato. "Are there any replacements for my team?"

"Nope. But I did speak with Gai and he did agree in sending his boys from the 10th Grade Modern Dance class to replace them," Tsunade answered.

Yamato could not believe it. "You're kidding."

Tsunade shakes her head slowly.

"What the hell am I suppose to do with his dance class and what the hell does Gai know about tennis? Nothing!"

"A good coach should know how to mould any group of players, Yamato," Tsunade reminded.

"Well, I hope they won't do some dancing around before serving the ball," said Yamato.

Gai looks at Yamato. "Yeah, that could be a problem. Once they start, it's hard to stop them."

* * *

At the radio console, Kakashi begins the intro.

_Kakashi: "This is the actual, factual, supernatural big daddy Kakashi and brother Asuma calling from the studio live. It's 14 past the hour and the mercury is nudging my thigh with the new local group _'Lick the Lava' _with their brand new single, _'Lickin' the Lava'_, and if any of you kids have Cell phones..."_

* * *

Naruto, Hinata, Sasuke and Sakura are sitting under a tree in the school compound, listening to Kakashi & Asuma's radio show through the school speakers. Naruto and Hinata quickly pressed some numbers for their cell phones.

_Kakashi: "...give us a call and ask our opinion on any reasonable topics."_

* * *

Asuma presses a button and Kakashi speaks.

"You're on, kid."

_Choji: "Hey, big daddy Kakashi, this is Choji, what is your stance on littering?"_

Kakashi answers the question. "Well, Choji, I think littering should be decriminalized and..."

Asuma interrupts Kakashi. "Now, we will play my new song, _'Lickin' the Lava.'_" Asuma pressed a button to start the song.

Kakashi catches his breath. "That felt good! Do I sound ok?"

"Well, I thought you were nervous and I hope my voice will bring back for more," Asuma replied.

* * *

In Gai's Modern Dance class, the students were preparing for class when Gai enters the classroom.

"Ok, my youthful students. Here is who we've been waiting for, Mr. Yamato.

As soon as Yamato enters the classroom, the students began a large group hug around Yamato.

"GET OFF!" Yamato yelled, causing the students to back away.

"Sorry my students," apologized Gai. "Mr. Yamato isn't used to our special hum hug greeting. Mr. Yamato, why don't you take us through the game called Tennis."

Yamato nods. "Ok, those who have played tennis, raise your hands."

No hands were raised from the students.

"Ok, anyone who at least saw people play tennis, put up your hands..."

Still no hands rose.

Yamato looks at Gai. "What kind of dungeon do you run here?"

"Now that I think about it, Tennis was a theme in the _'Prince of Tennis'_ musical we were studying. Isn't that right, my students?"

The students finally got the idea what Tennis is.

"Now, let's do a scene from the _'Naughty ball point pen'_."

Gai and the students move their hands and began to make 'swishing' noises in front of Yamato, while Yamato tries to ward the group off with a tennis racket.

* * *

At the tennis court, Pikachu dropped a red bag, as he hammers the stands to the ground; he ties the net to the 2 poles. Then, Pikachu sets up the referee's stand. Pikachu exercises his hand signals for marking out, in and fault, with a bit of Disco added his movements.

* * *

In the hallway, Tsunade is reprimanding Sasuke and Sakura.

"You got cell phones, its rude not to use them in front of your friends. Make that call or you'll get detention."

Sasuke and Sakura walked away to use their cell phones and Shizune walks up to Tsunade.

"I can't believe you are forcing the students to use those phones," said Shizune. "I think there must be some secret deal from the profits in those phones."

Tsunade nods. "That is exactly what I have done. This school will get 10% of what is earned from these phones. That way, both of us will win."

"What about the parents?" Shizune asks. "Surely those calls must be expensive."

Tsunade smiled. "I'm sure the parents will also win." Tsunade quickly walked off before Shizune could ask more questions.

* * *

Kakashi and Asuma are in the radio booth.

"Next is Mr. Umino and Miss Mitarashi's show, _'Let us talk about Libraries and Physics' _and we have time for one more call..."

* * *

Outside, Pikachu was listening to the radio as he cleans the tennis court.

_Kakashi: "Yes, you're on."_

_Kiba: "Yo, big daddy Kakashi, what do you think of Mr. Umino?"_

_Kakashi: "Well, that would put me in the unfortunate position to comment on a fellow staff member..."_

Asuma snatched the mike.

_Asuma: "But I'm ready to take the challenge. I find it impossible for Mr. Umino to control his class, when he clearly can't control his wife's adulterous sexual lust."_

Pikachu laughed.

* * *

Back at the booth, Asuma goes off air and smiled.

"Well, that was great, Kakashi," said Asuma. "I think people would want more of me than you."

Kakashi picks up a shoebox full of letters. "But people sent me a shoebox full of letters."

Asuma rolled his eyes. "The people don't know what they want..."

* * *

In Gai's classroom, Yamato begins basic Tennis training.

"Ok, let's see how you defend against this slow shot."

Yamato tossed a tennis ball to Udon who is holding a tennis racket, but Udon missed hitting the ball.

Yamato sighed. "Great, not another wuss. Each one more worst than the last. I don't know how you kids avoid getting beaten up during lunch."

"Well, the students do hide during lunchtime to avoid the beatings," Gai explained.

"I mean, how hard is it to do this?" Yamato slowly did a serve and Gai is impressed at the way Yamato did his serve.

"That was marvelous, Yamato." Gai turn his attention to his students. "Students, Mr. Yamato's stroke is like that time we did our opening of our school play..."

The students understood what Gai meant. "Oh."

"Let's try that again," said Gai.

Gai and the students did the serve, the same way Yamato did his.

Yamato nods, knowing that something has gone right. Then, Gai looks at Yamato. "Ok, Mr. Yamato. Show me some more of your glorious Tennis strokes..."

* * *

At the staff room, Shizune is talking to Sakura and Ino.

"And Sakura, go look for anymore old people who aren't dead yet."

Once both girls left the staff room, Shizune prepares to leave for her class, only to see Kakashi sitting at the table. "Kakashi, don't you have a class to teach?"

"I am teaching," said Kakashi. "Since the students have Cell phones in the class room, and I have a cell phone with me over here, we can call each other. Meanwhile, even as I speak to you, I'm mentally planning on our next intro of the radio show."

"But you can't teach..."

Shizune is interrupted when Kakashi receives a call and he answers it. "Yes, hi, S.H. No, the sexual tension between Brutus and Julius is what sparks the play. As in _'Et Tu Brute'_ means _'Come and get it, Brutus'_."

Kakashi hangs up.

Shizune is shocked at Kakashi's laziness. "Kakashi, you can't teach your students on your cell phone."

Kakashi looks up at Shizune. "No, that was my dad, Sakumo."

* * *

Shizune is sitting in front of Tsunade's desk. "Tsunade, you have got to stop the students from using the Cell phones. I have treated 20 students that had nose bleeds and Kakashi is teaching with it."

Tsunade frowns. "Linking that to the phones is deceitful. I've seen a number of students walking around, sticking up foreign objects up their noses. Right up their noses they went. If they're feeling unwell, they could call their parents on the phones."

"You're obsessed with forcing the students to make as many phone calls you want," accused Shizune.

Tsunade is shocked at Shizune's accusation. "That is a spectacular lie, Shizune."

Shizune points outside the door. "Then why is there a sign outside the library saying, **'Cell phones must be switch on and talked into at all times'**?"

Tsunade shakes her head. "You're asking the wrong person. I didn't put that sign there."

"Then who did it?"

"I got Pikachu to do it," answered Tsunade.

* * *

In the tennis court, Yamato served a tennis ball at Konohamaru and Konohamaru hits it back.

Yamato nods. "Good, now, that you hit it, you must try to get the ball to land inside the other side's court, making sure he misses, and then once you do, you celebrate by raising your arms and tossing your tennis racket up into the sky. Now try it."

Konohamaru tossed the tennis racket quite weakly, with the racket barely going up a couple of feet.

Yamato sighed. "No, not like that. Watch me. Do it like this!"

Yamato jumps over the net and then proceeded to throw his tennis racket towards the sky and swing his arms around. "And you stick it to them."

Gai walks up to Yamato. "How are my youthful students going?

"Pretty good, especially with Konohamaru. They might be ready tomorrow."

* * *

The next day...

_**Iruka: "And now we will take calls about the unification of physics and the origin and fate of the universe in "**__'Lets talk Libraries and Physics.'__**"**_

Pikachu is preparing the tennis court when he hears Iruka's radio show. Pikachu then decides to call Iruka.

* * *

In the radio booth, Anko is bored.

"It appears that we got a caller on the line." Iruka pressed a button Pikachu on the line "Hello, caller. Don't worry, don't be afraid to speak. Caller?"

Suddenly, Iruka feels a something on his knee. "Anko, is that your hand on my knee?

As soon as Iruka sees Anko's sexually hungry look, he quickly goes off air.

"Anko, we were on air just then."

"I was thinking maybe you're a man who could satisfy me, but you couldn't," said Anko. "That's it, our partnership is over."

As Anko leaves the room, Kakashi and Asuma enter the room...

"Guess what, Iruka, your ratings are really low all because of the _'Lets take the piss out of Iruka' _segment in my show."

Iruka looks at Asuma. "This is your fault. Because of you, now even less people know me that before. The dream is over. I'm out of here."

Asuma puts a hand on Iruka's shoulder. "Hey, if you want to stay in the industry, you could be my assistant, so first, bring me a cup of coffee!"

Iruka glares at Asuma. "You just love this whole _'radio industry'_ thing and my ex-wife sickens me."

Iruka walks out of the radio booth, it's now Kakashi's turn to confront Asuma.

"Brother Asuma, when I heard you talk to Iruka, you referred it to **'your'** show and I noticed that I'm not doing an intro anymore. Then, when I overheard you and Yamato talking about the tennis finals, that I won't even be commentating at all!"

"Well, commentating tennis is a very serious business and your voice isn't mature enough," Asuma explained.

"I knew this would happen. You are a radio cowboy!" accused Kakashi.

"And the new name for the show is now called **'Asuma and the Pig-faced man'**."

Kakashi could not believe what's happening. "That's it, I quit as the Pig-faced man is now, no more."

Once Kakashi left the room, Iruka re-enters door.

"Asuma, you want sugar in that coffee?"

* * *

Shizune enters Tsunade's office. "Tsunade, you've got to pull Asuma off the air."

"I can't," said Tsunade. "He's far too popular and his show has been picked up by over 50 schools and can be heard over the in-flight radio network."

Shizune puts a radio on Tsunade's desk. "Well, listen to this." Shizune plays the tape.

_**Asuma's voice: "And after the break, I will announce the speeches that Konoha High will use against Suna High in the debating finals. But right now is **_'Lickin' the Lava'_**."**_

Shizune stops the tape. "He announced all the speeches I made for the debate and now my team looks stupid. And I look stupid."

Tsunade rolled her eyes. "You're acting like an immature little girl. Why not rise above the clouds to get over it?"

Shizune smirked. "Well, maybe we could both rise above it as this was just on earlier..." Shizune plays the tape.

_**Asuma's voice: "And now, I will announce that the principal of Konoha has signed a disgraceful deal with the Zenith phone company for sponsorship and her name is Tsunade Senju but I call her **_'The Velvet Cow'_**."**_

Tsunade slams her palm on her desk. "Bring Asuma Sarutobi into my office right this instant!"

* * *

In the staffroom, Anko is at the table writing some notes when Kakashi enters the staffroom.

"Hey, Anko, I heard that you broke up with your last partner, right?"

Anko nods. "Yes. What's it to you?"

"Well, I severed ties with my last partner and I need a new one...and you are the only one available."

Anko stood up. "Well, you are all man and I'm mostly...woman...ok, I'll do it."

Then Anko grabs Kakashi and kisses him in the lips. Then she stops...

"You mean you wanted me physically?" asks Anko.

Kakashi simply shrugged. "Well, why not."

Anko and Kakashi continued to make out.

* * *

Meanwhile, in Tsunade's office, Asuma walks in holding a drink.

"Hey, they're serving drinks at the court. And I'm drinking a drink," said Asuma.

"Asuma, why did you tell the world about our deal with Zenith?" asked Tsunade.

"Settle down, Tsuande." Asuma begins to explain. "You know the guy you made a deal with, Chitay Gamiya? Well, he's my wife's ex-lover and we had a sparring session last night and he told me all about the deal."

"The Local News is accusing us for putting the students' health at risk and Zenith has withdrawn their deal for the sake of their reputation and we now have only one option left and that is?" Tsunade looks at Shizune.

"_Big Vivi's Port-Holes_," Shizune answered.

Tsunade glares at Asuma. "You've just cost the school a lot of money. What are you going to do about it?"

"Well, you have to get me off the air or else I'll keep scandalizing and blackmailing this school," said Asuma. "But let me finish my commentating of the Tennis match. I think we're winning and the schools all over Japan are hearing this. I won't scandalize anyone and I'll make it crisp and clear."

Shizune looks at Tsunade. "Yes, Tsunade. This crisp victory may be the only hope we have left for the reputation of this school."

Tsunade rolled her eyes. "Well, the last hope for this school's financial future depends on a class of Modern dance students."

* * *

At the tennis court, it is Konoha's Doubles Match against Suna, with Konohamaru and Udon playing for Konoha.

Asuma is back at the commentating table, Tsunade and Shizune watched Asuma carefully. After all, this match could determine Konoha's financial future.

_**Asuma: "Ok, back to the match. Right now, it's still a cliffhanger tiebreaker. Konoha only needs two points for victory. And its Konohamaru's serve..."**_

"Ok, Konohamaru, connect with the ball," Gai instructs his student.

_**Asuma: "Konohamaru is doing a girly serve..."**_

Konohamaru served the ball and the other side missed. and Pikachu points his hand to Konohamaru's team, making it a point to Konoha. Pikachu then smell some body odor coming from his under-arms...

_**Asuma: "It's in! One more point and the game is ours. Konohamaru is doing another girly serve..."**_

Konohamaru serves, the other side failed the ball back. With Konohamaru's ace, the point should have been Konoha's. Pikachu raised his arm, only to spray deodorant on his under-arms. Unfortunately, when Pikachu made up his signals for the tennis match, raising his arm means a Fault.

_**Asuma: "A Fault?!"**_

Yamato is shocked. "Konohamaru! What are you doing?"

Thinking that he has won the Tennis Tournament for Konoha, Konohamaru jumps over the net and throws the racket up into the sky before doing Yamato's Victory Dance.

_**Asuma: "What is he doing? Why is he doing a boogie?"**_

Unfortunately, with Konohamaru distracted and jumping over the net to the opponent's side, Pikachu has no choice but to declare a forfeit to Konoha, making Suna High the victor of the Tennis finals.

_**Asuma: "It's all over! Konoha High lost."**_

The crowd of Konoha High students joined the Suna students in their celebrations, cheering with the winners, even though it is from an opposing school.

Yamato tossed his cap to the ground in frustration. "This is the worst day of my life," said Yamato. "I guess I'll never get over it."

Gai looks at his students.

"Well, maybe they will..." The students bow down as though they have finished a performance.

_**Asuma: "That's it, Konoha High lost. They lost pathetically, without any honor for the school. What a bunch of useless..." **_

Asuma looks up and sees Shizune and Tsunade. "Oh, hi Tsunade and Shizune."

Shizune pulls the plug from Asuma's radio console.

Tsunade smiled. "Thank you, Shizune."

"Radio Cowboy," said Shizune.

* * *

Back at the staffroom, Kakashi and Anko were still having their make out session. Suddenly, Iruka enters the staffroom.

"Oops, I think I'd better leave."

Iruka was about to leave, Anko calls out to Iruka.

"Iruka, stay!"

As Anko pushes Kakashi to the table, Iruka closes the door...

**End of Episode 09: Radio Show**

* * *

_**Extensive Author's Note:**_

_This is the penultimate (second last) chapter of my Konoha High fanfic series and it's quite strange for me to time it during New Year's Day (Or New Year's Eve at the time this has been typed and posted, depending on where you are reading this from.)_

_This is the final list on the subjects the character teaches, here's the list again:  
Tsunade - Vice-Principal  
Asuma - Information Technology & Home Economics  
Yamato - Sports  
Gai - Drama/Performance Arts  
Anko - Librarian  
Shizune - Social Studies  
Kakashi - English & Literature  
Iruka - Science & Maths _

_I'd also like to say thanks to the few reviewers who took the time to read this fanfic up to this point in time:  
__**Daenotsu  
Aldi Fox  
archiemouse**  
And to anyone else who reviewed this fanfic after this chapter has been posted._

_I hope you would be patient for the final chapter of this fanfic. Have a happy 2009 and hope that you read good fanfics that are worth your time._


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